Tenchi Muyo Ryoohki, Episode 22: Baby Blues
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: OVA 4 Tenchi and the girls are left without Washu's guidance after the mad scientist accidentally transforms herself into a baby. Ignores information in the True Tenchi novels. Rated 'T' for suggestive adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

A slender but curvaceous woman with golden eyes and large flappy ears appeared in a room filled with electronic rubble and seized some folded clothes off a bench. Her cyan white hair was a mess and her topaz yellow eyes made her seem wild and feral. "That's what I think of your youth-ray!" the woman shouted. "And if you try to make me your 'little Ryoko' the same thing will happen to everything else in your lab, Washu!" After she pulled her kimono over her head she listened with a large twitching ear. No response but she heard a baby crying. "Washu?" Ryoko slipped her shoes on her feet and then disappeared to reappear next to Washu's control chair. "Washu? Where are you? Huh?"

At the base of Washu's barstool style control chair was a pile of clothing and a helpless infant struggling to free herself. The infant had curly red hair and bright blue-green eyes.

Ryoko burst out laughing. "This is too much!" the former pirate giggled. "You got hit by your own youth ray! You deserve it! Now _this_ is funny!" She picked the baby up and looked at her tiny limbs dangling in the air. "Ha-ha-ha! I wouldn't mind if you _stayed _like this! Now who's in control, huh?" She set the infant down on the chair and took a step back. "I got yuh good, didn't I? Well, I'm not going to clean this up, so go ahead and make yourself older again and do it yourself—Ah!" Ryoko lunged forward and caught baby Washu when she started to fall off the chair. "Hey, be careful! Do you want to break your neck? Your great big head is too much for your tiny little body! You got to be careful! Okay, fun's fun; go ahead and make yourself older again."

The red-haired baby bawled and kicked her little feet. Her faced was scrunched up and her mouth wide open.

"Okay, you're starting to scare me now," said a wary Ryoko. "Look, fun's fun, but I know you can reverse this. You can make yourself older or younger without the need for gadgets or electricity. Just make yourself older. Focus your will."

Little Washu, _very_ little Washu, cried some more.

"Washu?" Ryoko's voice was a frightened squeak. She set the baby on the chair but didn't take her hands off her and looked closely at Washu. The baby didn't seem to have decent motor control. "Washu? Come on, don't do this to me! I know you wanted mother-daughter bonding time but not even _you_ wanted it like _this_! Come on, snap out of it! Come on!"

At last baby Washu's whining stopped, and the infant gave Ryoko an exhausted, but pleading look.

"You can't… undo this can you?" Ryoko stammered. "You… can't… undo this…"

Suddenly the space pirate started hyperventilating. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" she cried as she backed away from the baby. "What do I do? What do I dooooooooo?" she shrieked.

* * *

><p><em><span>Tenchi Muyo<span>__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi In Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website. "Dimension of Love" lyrics __by Kuroda Kayoko_

Tenchi is in his room when Ryoko pops out of the wall and hugs him. Japanese kanji appears obscuring your view as a woman's voice sings a peppy tune.

_When the cherry blossom starts to bloom_

_Meet me here in my lonely room_

_We'll find a passion filled fantasy_

_And this time you will stay with me_

Ayeka bursts into the room. Ryoko sticks her tongue out at Ayeka as the princess chases her outside. More kanji appears and disappears.

_All the misery that we knew before_

_Stays away when you are at my door_

_My heart will sing at ev'ry tender touch_

_And, oh, you'll want me twice as much_

Sasami and a toddler Ryo-ohki wave out the kitchen window at Ryoko and Ayeka fighting. Sasami leaves the kitchen and enters the main living room.

_A new dimension of love_

_A bold adventure waiting for you_

_The true dimension of love_

_A soaring flight. A dazzling view_

Mihoshi waves at Sasami from the top of the stairs before tripping and falling. She sits up and winces in pain as she rubs her head.

_We're gonna take it all the way_

_We'll make the dream so totally real_

_See greater wonders by the day_

_Then tell the stars what glourious rapture we feel_

Washu opens the door under the stairs and walks out carrying a strange device. Mihoshi bumps into her and the redhead drops the gadget that shatters at her feet. Washu transforms into a baby and Mihoshi catches her before she falls. Ryo-ohki startles Mihoshi and she tosses baby Washu into the air.

_Soon, with the start of Spring_

_We'll know our hearts are changing_

_Leave the hurt behind_

_I'll be true and kind_

_Be the best you'll ever find_

Noike smiles enigmatically as the wall behind her become the night sky. Baby Washu tumbles through space and falls back down to Earth.

_We don't ever have to cry or fight_

_Something tells me we can make it right_

_Enough of wandering far and wide_

_I just can't forget you though I've tried_

The camera pans down to the outside of Tenchi's house to see Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Mihoshi, Ryo-ohki, and Noike catch the baby with a blanket held between them. When the crowd parts, Washu is a twelve-year-old again. Tenchi and the girls wave to you.

_This is destiny so why pretend_

_Close your eyes kiss me once again_

_I'll always be the only one you need_

_So go where your deepest longing leads._

* * *

><p><strong>Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 <strong>

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

Chapter One: Crybaby

The door under the stairs burst open and Ryoko dashed out carrying a red-haired bundle. "Crisis people! Crisis!" she shouted. "We have a real emergency here!"

"Indoor voice, please Ryoko," a purple-haired crimson-eyed teenage girl in a mauve kimono murmured in her high flutelike voice. "Honestly, the way you're going on you'd think the house was burning down," she added as she walked over to the hysterical woman. "Now what's the matter?

"We've got a crisis, Ayeka!" Ryoko snapped. "Get with the program and assemble the team!"

"Goodness, is that a baby?" Ayeka started into Ryoko's arms to see that she was carrying a red-haired infant.

"No, it's a vacuum cleaner!" the golden-eyed Ryoko retorted sarcastically. "Get the others! We've got a real crisis and we can't depend on Washu this time!"

"Goodness me," Ayeka sighed. "She has red hair and the most darling bluish-green eyes." The teenager gasped in horror. "Oh no! Don't tell me… that Lady Washu… is cloning herself?"

"Let's just say that Washu is going through her second childhood," Ryoko quipped.

"You mean that _this _is Washu?" Ayeka gasped as she put her hand over her mouth.

"That's right," Ryoko nodded, "and she can't turn herself back. We got an emergency here. Tell everyone else to drop what they're doing and get in here."

"Oh um, all right," said a flustered Ayeka.

Soon all the housemates were sitting around the dinner table. "Oh my, she's so cute," a bronze skinned blonde young woman giggled. "How old _is_ she anyway?" she asked as she blinked her blue eyes ingenuously.

"She's supposed to be over twenty thousand years old Mihoshi," a pale skinned young woman with grey eyes, short green hair and sharply pointed ears replied.

"She doesn't look that old to me Noike," the blonde frowned in thought. "This reminds me of that kidnapping case we were on. The mother was kidnapped and we had to take care of the baby…"

"Be quiet!" Noike snarled. "You're the reason I quit the Galaxy Police! I couldn't stand working with a dingleberry like you! Why your next partner didn't just shoot you is a mystery!"

"Oh no!" gasped a darling nine year old girl with skyblue hair arranged in long ponytails. Tears welled up in her red eyes as she wiped her hand across the freckles that crossed the bridge of her nose. "The baby is crying."

"Sasami's right, we've got to speak more softly," said a slender teenage boy of Japanese (and Jurian) descent. "Washu's a baby now. Don't scare her."

"Yeah, listen to Tenchi, shut the hell up!" Ryoko growled. "Oops," she whispered sheepishly at the baby. "Sorry mom."

A grey furry toddler with large ears and golden eyes purred sympathetically and stroked the baby's red hair. The baby calmed down and stopped crying.

"Aw, that's so sweet," Little Sasami cooed. "Ryo-ohki made her feel better. Even as a baby she recognizes you, Ryo-ohki."

The furry toddler meowed happily.

"So what do we do?" Tenchi asked quietly. "Can't Washu change herself back? When baby Taro was here Washu could alter her physical age. She didn't even need a weird machine. Can't she just make herself older?"

"Is her little brain developed enough to allow her to focus her will on such a physical transformation?" Noike asked out loud. "Maybe she needs to grow up more before she can grow up more."

"You better not be faking this," Ryoko sneered at the carrot topped baby. "I know you wanted some mother-daughter time with me but I always thought that _I'd_ be the daughter."

"Washu has got all sorts of medical equipment in her lab," Noike offered. "Give me some time and I'll run some scans on her so we can find out what's going on. There's always a chance this will wear off by itself."

"Yeah in about ten years," Ryoko groaned. "She's just punishing me for ignoring her. I can feel it."

"You ignore everyone Ryoko," Mihoshi chirped. "Don't take it so personally."

"How did this happen?" Ayeka groaned. "Did Washu make herself that young just for a bet?"

"It um, was an accident," Ryoko shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"How did it happen?" Noike crossed her arms suspiciously.

"I uh… asked Washu if she could… I mean I wanted her to…" Ryoko stammered.

"Yes?" Tenchi asked, his shining dark eyes filled with trust and concern.

"She tricked me!" Ryoko protested. "It was all a trick so she could turn me into a baby! I trusted her and she wanted to give me a second childhood!"

"Considering how your first childhood turned out, you really can't blame her," Noike sniffed disdainfully.

"That wasn't my fault!" Ryoko shouted. "If Kagato hadn't got a hold of me…!"

"Oh the baby's crying again," Sasami murmured over Washu's sobs.

"Sorry Mom! Sorry!" Ryoko hugged the baby. "Didn't mean to bring up bad memories! I'm sorry!"

"Ryoko, maybe you should calm down," Ayeka said quietly.

"I'm trying Ayeka," Ryoko insisted, "but you can't expect me to—"

"No I mean I think you're upsetting her," Ayeka shook her head.

"I _know_ I'm upsetting her," Ryoko nodded in an exaggerated manner through clenched teeth. "I'm _trying_ to be quiet."

"No, I mean _you're_ upsetting little Washu," Ayeka clarified. "When _you're_ upset, _she's_ upset. Remember when you teased me about something that Ryo-ohki had seen? You said that Ryo-ohki had seen me flirting and that you could read her memories. Does Washu have the ability to read _your_ mind?"

All the color left Ryoko's face as the silver haired woman grimaced in horror. Baby Washu howled in fear.

"Oh no!" Ryoko gasped. "There's so much horrible stuff in my head I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! The thought of a baby being subjected to _my_ twisted subconscious is enough to give Genghis Khan nightmares!"

"Imagine what Washu's going to be like if she grows up subjected to _your_ nasty memories," Ayeka blanched in horror. "She could become as twisted as Kagato or Doctor Clay!"

"I gotta think only happy thoughts!" Ryoko declared nervously before frowning in concentration. "Let's see, butterflies… cotton candy… kittens…"

"Meow!" the furry toddler vanished and was replaced by a strange little animal that was looked like a baby rabbit combined with a kitten.

"That's the spirit, Ryo-ohki!" Mihoshi smiled. "We've got to keep Ryoko calm!"

"I'll go into Washu's lab and see if I can't find something that can change her back," Noike suggested. "If I can't find that maybe I can find something that can protect little Washu from Ryoko's thoughts."

"In the meantime let's see if we can find any baby stuff," Tenchi suggested.

"Oh no, we were really awful at taking care of a baby," Ayeka groaned.

"No wait!" Mihoshi smiled. "One of us was really good at it! She was a natural mother! Does anybody remember who it was?"

"Washu," Ryoko moaned as she looked at the helpless infant. "Washu was the natural mother. The rest of us looked like idiots."

As one the girls groaned.

"I just realized, the last time we had to take care of a baby Aunty gave us the baby supplies," Tenchi said as he got to his feet. "Grandpa and I will have to go into town and buy some. In the meantime the rest of you try to hold the fort down until we get back, all right?"

"Sure thing Tenchi, don't worry about a thing," Mihoshi smiled at him.

"I think I know where some cloth diapers are," Ayeka said as she rose to her feet. "We've been using them for dusting, but we can use them for their original purpose if we can find a safety pin."

Soon Tenchi and his grandfather were in a blue pickup truck heading for town.

"Grandpa, what happened to my mother?" he asked before he could stop himself. "What really happened, I mean?"

"She died trying to destroy a massive battlestation that could destroy an entire planet with one shot," his grandfather didn't look at him. "She was killed by a warrior who was a pupil of mine before she turned to evil. She betrayed and murdered your mother."

"Did that really happen or are you making it all up?" Tenchi asked.

"I think George Lucas made it up," his grandfather winked, "but yeah, it happened, in a movie at least."

"Grandpa!" Tenchi growled in exasperation. "Why don't you ever tell the truth?"

"Should I let everyone in town know how young and vigorous I really am?" His grandfather became younger, resembling a thirty-year-old Tenchi with a longer face wearing eyeglasses and a white Shinto robe before his hair became grey and the lines of a sixty year old man returned to his face. As an old man, his grandfather was even sporting a mustache. "Should I retire old Katsuhito and let everyone see young Prince Yosho?"

"No Grandpa of course not!" Tenchi protested. "I mean tell the truth to _me_."

"I'll tell you when you're older," Katsuhito shrugged, "when I think that you're ready to handle it."

"Grandpa I assure you I'm more than ready to handle it," Tenchi retorted. "I've harnessed the power of the lighthawk wings and live with some of the most beautiful, powerful and dangerous women in the universe. I think I can handle the truth about my mother's death." When his grandfather didn't reply he awkwardly added: "Look, if she was murdered, I promise I won't go after her killer in a quest for vengeance. I'm doing my best to be forgiving and understanding. Just tell me if she was murdered and I won't ask any more questions. I promise."

"She was murdered," Katsuhito told him grimly. "She never saw it coming."

"What?" Tenchi blinked. "Who did it?"

"Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the lead pipe," the old man smirked.

"Grandpa!" Tenchi protested.

"You said you wouldn't ask any more questions if I told you she was murdered," Katsuhito scolded. "I guess you're not 'more than ready to handle it' after all."

"Never mind," Tenchi grumbled. "I shouldn't have asked anyway."

"Yes!" the old man crowed as he slapped Tenchi's shoulder. "He _can_ be taught!"

"Knock it off," Tenchi moaned. "We're pulling up to the store. Let's _try_ to pretend that both of us were born on Earth, can't we?"

"What?" Katsuhito mocked in melodramatic seriousness. "Go out and _lie_ to everyone? If I did that, what _would_ you think of me?"

"You know what I mean," Tenchi sighed as they found a parking spot. "Can't we just _try_ to act normal?"

"Do you want me to tell the truth or act normal? You've got to pick a lane," his grandfather teased. "Come on Tenchi, something is bothering you, and it's not just this old fool refusing to be a young fool. I can tell. You've got this dark… secret weighing you down. We're alone now so tell me about it."

"Out in public like this?" Tenchi blushed. "I couldn't do that!"

"Hey he's from outer space!" Katsuhito shouted when he got out of the pickup truck. He pointed at Tenchi and called to any pedestrian walking by. "Come see! We've got a kid whose ancestors came from outer space over here! Look, he's got the power of the lighthawk wings! He's the prince of Jurai!" When people ignored him and continued on their errands, the old man shrugged. "See? No one cares. Come on. What's bothering you, Tenchi?"

"I dunno…"

"Shall I go first?" his grandfather offered. "Look, deception is a way of life for an alien living on this planet. If I let everybody know that I can live for thousands of years half of them would start a new religion and the other half would want to cut me open like a frog."

"I can understand that but…" Tenchi paused before he gathered the courage to continue. "How can you be so flippant about the death of your own daughter? Didn't her passing have any effect on you at all?"

"Yes it did," the old man nodded sadly. "The problem with living forever Tenchi is that you have the ability to outlive your own children. Unless you find some way to deal with it, you're going to go crazy after a while. Why else do you think I insist on masquerading as a broken down old man? If I don't get married I won't have any more children. And I won't have to bury them anymore."

"Oh Grandpa, I'm sorry!" Tenchi apologized. "I forgot! That's right, I promised myself I'd be more forgiving and stop trying to delve into the past. So making up these dumb stories is just your way of coping, huh?"

"You find a lot of different ways to cope," Katsuhito shrugged as they entered the store. "Telling tall tales and acting eccentric is easy to get away with if you're old. It's a lot easier to hang around outliving everybody when you look old. People notice if you're a young fella who never seems to get older but nobody notices if you're an old coot who's managed to stick around for decades."

"Yeah, I guess so," Tenchi mumbled as they walked to the baby aisle.

"Being known for fibbing is also a great way to keep people from asking questions," Katsuhito added. "If you want to keep living on Earth with all those alien girls hanging around you better get good at dodging the question."

"I see, but I also think it can be hard to turn off after a while," Tenchi muttered.

"You got that right," his grandfather chuckled. "But let's get back to _your_ problem. Tenchi, something is bothering you. Something huge. Go ahead, let it out. If anybody asks, they won't get the truth out of me," he winked.

"Uh… okay, why not?" Tenchi said uneasily. "Here goes: Grandpa, I've discovered that everything that's happened to us is a result of the tampering of the three Chousin goddesses, the rulers not only of this universe, but all the other ones too. The entire history of not only my life, but also the entire universe is a result of the three of them trying to find a being that if stimulated properly, will become a being many times greater than they could ever be. I don't know if they're looking for a father or a mate, but I do know that two out of three of them are living in our house. Washu erased her memory and took the form of a mortal woman, Tsunami has assimilated with Sasami and I expect Lady Tokimi to move in with us any day now. Everything that has happened in my life, everything that has happened in your life, everything that has happened in the entire universe, in all of time and space has been part of a cockamamie plan to turn me into the most powerful being that's ever existed or ever will exist. Mom's death, your self-imposed exile, even Kagato's villainy is just part of a bizarre set of circumstances that's supposed to shake me out of my complacent world and draw upon my hidden potential to be God. And that scares the hell out me.

"What kind of God am I going to be?" the boy continued. "Even if their experiment is a failure, and I simply become prince and then king of Jurai what kind of person am I going to be? I have a ridiculous amount of power at my command, and I'm being spoiled rotten by a bunch of beautiful girls that can't help but love me because of some primal 'god-force' that's part of me. They literally can't help it. Power corrupts and I have the potential to have limitless power, power that not even the three Chousin goddesses can fathom! What if, as the centuries go by, I become a jerk? What if I become one of those guys that say 'the ends justify the means'? What if I become as bad as Kagato, who knew just enough of the truth to go totally mad? Then what?"

"I can't take that risk!" declared the shaking boy. "I just can't take the risk! It was okay to be a jerk when I was just Tenchi Masaki from Earth, but as Lord Tenchi, Prince of Jurai and infant godling I don't dare! Somehow I've got to build up a moral center and practice some self-control! And I can't think of a better person to teach me about humility and restraint than you, Grandpa.

"Problem is, I've just realized that you're a liar, perhaps the biggest liar I've ever known," he sighed as he stared miserably at the ground. "Don't you understand?" he said as he looked up with a pained expression on his face. "I want you to tell me what really happened to mother and why you had to lie to me so I can look up to you again! As the centuries and millennia go by I need to look back at you as an example of the right way to conduct myself. I know this is unfair of me, grandpa but I need to put you on a pedestal again! I need you to be my hero!"

The old man looked thoughtfully at Tenchi before breaking into a huge grin. "Well done, Tenchi!" he smiled as he slapped the boy's back. "That story was just as good as one of my own! You'll be a practiced fibber in no time!"

_Next: Cyber Washu_


	2. Cyber Washu

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi In Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Two: Cyber Washu_

When Tenchi and his grandfather got back home the girls set about trying to take care of Washu, the only infant who could claim to be the oldest being in the universe. "Look how cute she looks in her little jumper!" Ryoko smiled. She had been taking care of Ryo-ohki lately and was getting better at the whole 'motherhood' thing. Little Washu was in an orange and white jumper that had a red crab displayed prominently on the chest. Ryoko held up her infant mother proudly to the others who gave quiet little golf claps.

"She's just adorable," Mihoshi giggled.

"I can't wait to feed her!" Sasami grinned.

"She certainly is adorable… now," Ayeka smiled uncertainly. The last time this house took care of a baby the first princess of Jurai had washed a lot of diapers. "I'll go prepare the formula…"

"Here you go," Noike said as she breezed into the room. "Here's the baby formula," she added as she handed Ryoko a full baby bottle. "When you feed her, don't forget to support her head and make sure you give her a chance to breathe."

"Okay," Ryoko grumbled. "Did Washu leave a note? Sheesh."

Ayeka sighed. Once again Noike had demonstrated her ability and made the others look bad. Honestly it seemed that the life of a princess hadn't prepared Ayeka for anything but getting in the way.

"Here is the schedule. I've divided us into shifts," Noike said as she handed the girls slips of paper. "They list who will be the primary caregiver and who is 'on call' at any given time. They also split the chores up so everything gets done."

"I thought that _I_ was going to make the schedule!" Ayeka protested.

"Do you really think that Ryoko would follow it?" the pointy-eared beauty asked.

"Hey! Are you saying that I don't follow directions?" Ryoko frowned.

"Your track record in that department hasn't been good," Noike retorted.

"True, but I still think that it's very rude of you to say it!" Ryoko insisted. She looked at the paper Noike had just given her. "Okay it looks like I'm the first primary caregiver. Ayeka is next, followed by Mihoshi. Sasami is on call for the first shift, followed by Noike and then Tenchi." Her voice rose in indignation. Hey… how come Tenchi is on call during _Mihoshi's_ shift?"

"Tenchi works out in the fields in the morning and Sasami has to go to bed early," Noike explained. "Sasami is also our primary cook so I didn't think that we'd want her on call so close to dinner time."

Ryoko bristled under Noike's instructions. That green haired alley cat was always right and had taken over the house ever since she got here. Washu was bossy too but at least she would sequester herself with research once and a while. Noike kept everybody busy so she could be with Tenchi. Blushing, Ryoko knew what the problem was. Thanks to his idolization of his long lost mother, it was likely that Tenchi was attracted to girls who behaved in a mature, ladylike fashion. Ayeka, Ryoko, and Mihoshi were just big kids. Noike was an adult. In a battle of maturity they didn't stand a chance. Washu (before her accident) had acted immature on purpose but the rest of the girls couldn't turn it on and off like the redhead could. Noike was always an adult and by playing mother she was winning the race despite her late start. There was only one thing to do: Beat her at her own game and be the best darn mother she could be.

"Humph! Well I got her first…" Ryoko defiant boast was cut short when baby Washu started crying. "It's all right! It's all right…" she started sniffing. "Sasami! Get me some diapers!"

"Right away Ryoko," Sasami chirped as she ran off.

"It's all right. It's all right," Ryoko assured the others. "Sasami and I got it. Just make sure you're well rested Ayeka, 'cause then it's _your_ turn."

Ayeka felt like a coward as she walked away from Ryoko and Washu. She wanted to run away. That's what she did her entire life wasn't it? She ran away. When Yosho left Jurai she had run away, taking her little sister with her. When she had been marooned on this planet she hid in the room Tenchi provided her like a craven milksop. She wanted to talk to Tenchi but she felt too worthless. Perhaps she could make herself useful somehow.

She found herself entering Washu's lab. Thankfully the door under the stairs that led to the subdimension where Washu stored her laboratory wasn't locked. She stared at the large chamber she found herself in. Strange how Washu's lab often looked different. Today it appeared to be a spacious chamber with wall sized flatscreens and various control consoles here and there. Washu had explained that the interior was a mathematical construct that could be changed to allow the interior to appear like anything the mad scientist wanted. Nobody really understood her explanation one hundred percent but everyone pretended to and that was good enough.

Ayeka sighed as she surveyed the spacious entry chamber. Should she even be in here? Without Washu around she felt like an intruder. Noike had helped herself to Washu's lab but that was because the green haired enchantress was trained by both the Galaxy Police and Lady Seto. Noike probably knew how to do everything from celestial navigation to open heart surgery, but Ayeka felt unskilled and uneducated. It was her own fault she supposed. She shouldn't have run away at such an early age.

A sound startled the princess and she turned to see Mihoshi furtively coming out of a doorway. The blonde squeaked and hid her hands behind her back. "I… I… Aykea! What are you doing here?" the girl asked guiltily.

"I came in here to see if there's any piece of technology that might be able to restore Washu," Ayeka replied as she eyed the blonde suspiciously. "Might I ask what you're doing in here?"

"I... I… I just came to get Washu's stapler," Mihoshi stammered as she revealed that the 'Mighty Mouse' stapler that she had hidden behind her back. "Out of all the staplers in the house it staples better than any of them! I thought I'd borrow it… I mean Washu isn't going to miss it…"

"And you call yourself a Galaxy Police officer!" Ayeka squawked. "Here the rest of us are trying to cope with taking care of a baby and you're going through Washu's desk! What are you going to do for an encore? Steal Washu's stationary?"

Sweat trickled down Mihoshi's forehead. "It's not like she's going to _need_ it…"

"I don't believe this!" Ayeka spat. "As soon as Washu is gone you're in here laying claim to her things! I would have expected it from the space pirate but certainly not the Galaxy Police officer! Try to make yourself useful. Now that Washu can't help us we're going to have to fend for ourselves until we can find some way to restore her. Can't you get it through your empty head that…?"

She was interrupted when an image of a red haired green eyed twelve year old girl appeared on a large wall length screen. "Contingency Twenty-four acknowledged. Virtual Simulation Washu activated," the image said in Washu's voice.

"Aaah!" Mihoshi screamed. "I'm sorry, Washu! I'll return your stapler! Honest!"

But the Washu on the screen seemed to be ignoring her. "Hi there gang," she said in the original's nasal voice. "This simulation was created in the event that the original Washu was injured, captured, or otherwise unavailable. This interactive program was created to be your guide, a substitute Washu as it were. This virtual Washu can advise you on nearly any situation that you bring to it, starting with resolving the crisis that made the real Washu unavailable in the first place. The computer has been programmed to recognize your voices and respond to your questions, so ask away."

"Please forgive me for taking your stapler!" a teary eyed Mihoshi sniveled.

"Mihoshi! Don't you see what this means?" Ayeka gasped. "It means that we have access to Washu's scientific know-how! There's a good chance that we won't have to wait ten years to get her back!"

"What are you talking about?" Mihoshi pointed at the screen. "She's right there!"

"Please state the nature of the emergency," Cyber Washu said.

"Ayeka took your stapler!" Mihoshi pointed childishly at the princess. "Oh who am I kidding?" the blonde fell to her knees and pulled on her hair. "It was me! It was me! I'm sorry Washu! I'm so sorry!"

"Mihoshi identified," Cyber Washu said. "Updating interaction matrix." The background behind Washu's image turned pink was filled with images of flowers. "What seems to be the pwoblem widdle Mihoshi?" Cyber Washu said in a babyish voice. "Calm down and tell the nice computuh all about it!"

"I… I… took your stapler," gasped a teary eyed Mihoshi.

"That's okay…" cooed the image on the screen. "Just weturn it when yoah done, okay? There's a good girl."

"Oh thank you!" Mihoshi gushed. "Thank you! Thank you!"

"Will you be quiet?" Ayeka sneered. "Washu didn't make this to babysit you."

"Actually I _did_ Ayeka," the image said as the pink background was replaced by a light purple color. "One of the functions of this program is to make sure you guys don't hurt yourself with my equipment. There are a lot of cutting edge inventions in here that you guys could blow yourselves up with."

Ayeka blushed at that remark when she realized that she was being lumped in with Mihoshi. After an indignant snort, she cleared her throat and addressed the computer. "Ahem. As it turns out we actually do have an emergency. It seems that Ryoko turned the tables on you during one of your experiments in the lab."

"Code Five!" Cyber Washu exclaimed as the background behind her changed into the 'Red Alert' signal from early _Star Trek_ movies. Flashing red lights came out of the walls as a klaxon sounded. "Ryoko has committed matricide!" A pylon rose from the floor to reveal it was hollow. Inside the gap in the middle of the pylon were two syringes. "Here is a toxin that will neutralize her powers and paralyze her. After that you must take her to the reprogramming center and wipe her memory. She can start a whole new life and hopefully end up as a better person next time."

"No!" Ayeka stamped her foot. "She didn't kill you!"

"Oh," the image of Cyber Washu blushed as the pylon sank to become flush with the floor again. "Just forget what I said there," she added as the background became lavender again. "I'll teach you how to use my amnesia machine so you can erase what just happened…"

"No!" Ayeka snapped. "Don't be stupid!"

Cyber Washu cleared her throat as the background changed to a moving geometric image. It was as if she was in a rotating cube of glowing neon lines against a black background. "Oh. Sorry about that. So, what happened to the original Washu?"

"Let's see, what did Ryoko tell us Mihoshi?" Ayeka looked behind her. "Mihoshi?" Ayeka saw the door back to the house shut. Mihoshi had evidently escaped with her stapler. "Oh well if memory serves me, Washu was conducting an experiment to see if she could transform Ryoko into a child."

"Accessing recent experiments," Cyber Washu nodded. "Here it is. Project Second Childhood. A project designed to give Ryoko something she never had: a happy childhood. Washu built a machine that could affect the physical age of Ryoko's unique body. The only hitch was convincing Ryoko to go along with the idea voluntarily. So Washu decided to tease Ryoko about her appearance until Ryoko made the suggestion herself."

"Sounds cruel," Ayeka sniffed. "_I'm_ a rival but _you're_ her mother. It just doesn't seem right to me…"

"This program wasn't created to judge, just to tell you the facts," Virtual Washu shrugged. "So what happened?"

"It seems that the original Washu has been turned into a baby," Ayeka murmured.

"Was Mihoshi in the room?" Virtual Washu asked.

"No, just the original and Ryoko," Ayeka shrugged. "It seems that they turned Washu into a baby all by themselves."

"So how young we talkin'?" Cyber Washu asked. "A toddler?"

"No, less than a year old I think," Ayeka replied.

"Oh dear," Virtual Washu sighed. "Accessing Washu's medical file. Extrapolating Washu as a baby." On another screen the adult, full figured version of Washu appeared wearing her customary outfit that had yellow stockings. Before Ayeka's eyes the image shrunk becoming the childlike Washu the princess was familiar with. The image didn't stop there but continued to regress in age until it resembled the baby that Ryoko and Sasami were caring for in the Masaki house.

"Whoa!" Virtual Washu yelped. "We're in big trouble here! Baby Washu's little brain isn't developed enough to rearrange matter yet! Heck, she probably won't be able to talk for weeks and weeks!"

"Talk?" Ayeka lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "Just how is a baby that young supposed to talk?"

"Well she _is_ the greatest genius in the universe," the computer simulation sounded exactly like Washu's braggy self. "Even when immature and underdeveloped, her little brain's going to be light years ahead of most people."

"So when is she going to be smart enough to change herself back then?" Ayeka crossed her arms and absently tapped her foot.

"I dunno, probably in four or five years," Cyber Washu guessed. "Everybody matures at their own rate. Washu's childhood isn't on file so I have to make estimates on how quickly she will mature."

"Washu… um… _Virtual_ Washu, is her _memory_ affected?" the princess asked.

"All the information should still be in there but her six-month-old mind won't be able to process it," Virtual Washu replied. "Unless she's somehow matured up in age it will be at least three years before you get your ingenious scientist back."

"Oh that's horrible!" Ayeka squeaked. "Without Washu, we'd have no more inventions! No more experiments! No one to explain how things work and no one who will tell us what to do!" She abruptly stopped her outbursts and thoughtfully put her hand to her chin. "And one less rival for Tenchi… um… why do we want her back again?"

"Because she's the most powerful one out of all of you and can protect you from your enemies?" the Washu simulation offered.

"She's the most powerful out of all of us?" Ayeka repeated in disbelief. "I don't believe it! Surely Tenchi is more powerful than Washu! What about Ryoko? Washu? The most powerful of all of us? I don't believe it!" Her protests were soon replaced with cynical acceptance. "Well… actually, I kind of suspected."

"By the most powerful I've included her ability to outthink an opponent, not just outblast," Virtual Washu clarified. "According to my records she spends a lot of time anticipating and preparing for any and all eventualities."

"And now her incredible brain can't even control her bowel movements," Ayeka shuddered. "All right, I understand. It's too dangerous. With Washu out of the way we've lost our safety net. But it's not like we need her constant protection because disaster is right around the corner."

"Did you notice how easy Mihoshi got in here?" the computer simulation asked her. "Like I said, there are a lot of dangerous inventions in here. And that's not taking into account what mischief you girls could into by yourselves."

Outside the fantastic laboratory the architect of the transdimensional space was sitting on Ryoko's lap as the former space pirate lounged on the 'L' shaped couch in Tenchi's living room. "This isn't fair," Ryoko sighed. "I shouldn't have to do this until after Tenchi and I have kids." The silver haired space pirate hugged her infant mother. "Although I _have_ been taking good care of Ryo-ohki lately. I wouldn't be such a bad mom. Tenchi should marry _me_."

"Tenki chu melly me," the baby in her arms gurgled.

"Whad' you say?" Ryoko stared at the baby in her arms. "What did you say, Washu? Are you trying to talk?"

Baby Washu just made cooing noises. Ryoko sighed and hugged the baby again. "I wish I could marry Tenchi," she moaned.

"I wiff I kud mawy tenki," the baby burbled.

"What?" Ryoko blinked as she studied Washu's happy face. "Did you just repeat what I just said? Are you trying to teach yourself how to talk?"

The baby made happy cooing sounds.

"Wait a minute," Ryoko's golden eyes narrowed. "You can read my mind can't you? Does that mean I can teach you to talk? Will you respond to me even if I'm not in the room?"

The baby burbled nonsense in response.

"Can you say this?" Ryoko asked as she scrunched her face in concentration. "'Tenchi should marry Ryoko'? Can you say it?"

The baby gurgled and drooled.

"Tenchi should marry Ryoko," the pirate chanted.

"Tnki chd mebby weepo," the baby burbled.

"Tenchi should marry Ryoko." the woman repeated.

"Tenki chud mawwy weeko," the baby cooed.

"Tenchi should marry Ryoko!" Ryoko grit her teeth. "Come on, you can do it!"

_Next: Don't be a Baby_


	3. Don't be a Baby

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi In Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Three: Don't be a Baby _

"What are _you_ doing in here?" Noike asked in an imperious voice.

"What?" Ayeka jumped as she spun to face the green haired enchantress. "Well uh, I just thought that maybe there might be an answer here in Washu's lab. I didn't touch anything."

"You shouldn't be in here," Noike put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot. "There are a lot of dangerous machines in here and besides, Washu's business is her own."

"Now wait a minute. I have just as much right to be in here as you have," Ayeka protested. "What are _you_ doing in here? What makes anything in Washu's lab any of your business anyway?"

"If you must know I'm going through Washu's records to see if I can find a way to restore her to normal," Noike assured her. "In the second place Lady Seto asked me to keep an eye on her projects. The last time Lady Seto lost track of Washu's experiments Kagato imprisoned her and used her creations to wreak havoc over the entire universe."

"Oh," Ayeka paled, for she had no intention to cross Lady Seto. Ayeka's immortal grandmother on her mother's side, Lady Seto was believed to be the power behind the throne and had the greatest influence of any single person in both the Jurian Empire and the Galactic Union. She could also be pretty darn scary. "Forgive me," she bowed before making a hasty retreat.

Back in the Masaki house in real space, Ayeka's cheeks burned in anger. Who did Noike think she was? Ayeka was the first princess of Jurai for crying out loud! Noike may have been her grandmother's secret operative but there was nothing official that said Ayeka had to hop to it whenever the green haired beauty snapped her fingers! The princess grunted in frustration as she made her way to Ryoko who was sitting with little Washu on the couch. "That Noike!" Ayeka grunted as she sat down near Ryoko.

"What did she do this time?" Ryoko asked dryly.

"The same thing she always does," Ayeka fumed. "Act like she owns the place. Even though I outrank her all it would take is one report to Lady Seto to make my life miserable."

"Talk about whupped," Ryoko muttered as she rocked Washu in her arms.

"You jump at her beck and call too," Ayeka pointed out.

"I didn't say I was better than you, I just said you were whupped," Ryoko clarified. "I'm starting to think we need to beat her at her own game."

"In what way?"

"With Washu out of the way we can all see who Tenchi is going to pick," Ryoko grunted. "Noike has this way of getting people to do anything she says. You feel stupid for not doing it. I say we grow up before it's too late."

"What do you mean?" Ayeka asked.

"Remember when we were in the bath together and you told me that Tenchi doesn't want to be seduced by an old lady? It was the day Kagato attacked…"

"Look I'm really sorry about that," Ayeka squirmed. "I was drunk and I don't really remember what I…"

"I think you were dead wrong," Ryoko said.

"Excuse me?"

"I think Tenchi is turned on by older women," Ryoko said. When she saw the disbelieving look on Ayeka's face she quickly added: "No-no-no-no. Hear me out. In Tenchi's mind the most perfect woman who ever lived was his mother, who died when he was really little. He never got the chance to resent her."

Ayeka frowned in disbelief. "Go on."

"Subconsciously he's comparing every girl he meets to her," Ryoko continued. "I've been studying him since Noike showed up and I think that deep down he likes a girl with maturity."

"But that's ridiculous!" Ayeka shook her head. "According to you, the perfect woman for him should be Tennyo, but when he met his sister…"

"He met a lying practical joker who wasn't what she seemed," Ryoko finished. "Honestly, when she first got here, she pretended to be his mother. His late dearly beloved mother. And his dad and grandfather went along with it. Think about it. How weird is that?"

Ayeka's puzzled frown became a nauseated frown. "Ew…"

"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "To Tenchi's mind it's like some stranger took over his mom's body. The poor guy must be as messed up as…"

"…Us," Ayeka finished as she stared at the wall in realization. "Poor Tenchi. The other day he tried to tell me that I wasn't alone and I didn't believe him. Goodness, we've got to do something for him." The princess frowned as a thought occurred to her. "I'll bet her grandfather put Tennyo up to it! He didn't want Tenchi getting a crush on his sister so he introduced her as an untrustworthy sort from the very beginning to alienate them."

"I guess we should thank him but that was cold," Ryoko nodded as she looked sadly at the same wall Ayeka was scrutinizing.

"So what makes you think that Tenchi is attracted to older women?" Ayeka glanced at Ryoko again.

"You said it," Ryoko nodded glumly. "Tenchi is attracted to women, not girls. It doesn't matter how old they look, it's how old they act. Now that Washu is a baby, Noike is the only actual one hundred percent adult in the house. It won't take long for Tenchi to come to a decision."

"You're making things up!" Ayeka protested. "Tenchi choose Noike? Honestly! You're seeing things that aren't there!"

"Do you remember the other day?" Ryoko asked her. "Before Nobuyuki and Rei left for their honeymoon? Do you remember the way Rei made Tenchi blush? If Rei wasn't spoken for I'll bet he would be interested."

"She stood so close to him that her boobs pressed up against his chest!" Ayeka insisted. "_I _was blushing!"

"How about the night we sent Mihoshi away and locked Washu in her lab?" Ryoko asked. "It was the first night Mihoshi destroyed the house. I tied you up and you got loose and we fought? You put a booby-trap on Tenchi's door that teleported whoever opened it without knocking out to the lake. Do you remember when Sasami knocked and Tenchi opened the door and Washu was already in there? Think about it. She was already in there. In her sleepwear. If Sasami hadn't joined them and Mihoshi hadn't crashed her shuttle how do you think the evening would have ended? With the two of them playing tiddlywinks?"

"But Washu looks like a child," Ayeka said weakly.

"It don't matter how old she _looks_," Ryoko brandished baby Washu for emphasis. "The girl's older than dirt. Until she was zapped by her own baby ray that little kid body was just a disguise. Underneath was a sophisticated woman who could've had Tenchi anytime she wanted to."

"Washu and Tenchi?" gasped the disbelieving princess. "It couldn't be… If that's the case why hasn't she seduced Tenchi and gotten it over with?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing," Ryoko said as she looked down at her infant mother. "It's been rolling around and around in my head for a while now. My best guess is that she was afraid of the way it would affect me."

"Affect you?"

"Come on, look at me, I'm a basket case," Ryoko sighed. "If you looked up 'damaged goods' in the dictionary you'd find my picture. Tenchi's been my rock ever since my astral form freed itself from the cave. Honestly, how do you think I'd react if the boy who was Heaven and Earth to me ran off with my own _mother_?"

"Ew," Ayeka nodded. "Not pretty."

"Yeah, she knows I could never forgive her," Ryoko nodded miserably. "Washu may be an immoral manipulating crackpot but she's still my mother and still loves me, (I think). I like to think that it was being captured by Kagato and being in mental contact with me while I was being tortured for centuries is was turned her into the twisted mad scientist she is today. Maybe she's as messed up as I am."

"Yes," Ayeka nodded. "Maybe. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. Perhaps growing up all over again can be the healing experience for her that she intended for you."

"Let's cross our fingers," Ryoko smiled weakly.

"So what's this stuff about beating Noike at her own game?" Ayeka asked.

"I'm getting to that part," Ryoko's smile was now grim. "I've been thinking about it and I've decided that it's high time we conducted ourselves like ladies. We've got to grow up and take responsibility. Otherwise we'll be calling Tenchi 'Dad' and Noike 'Mom'."

"I'll die first." The princess' lovely face was contorted into a hideous scowl that would send anyone without superpowers fleeing for the hills. "Wait a minute. Why are you telling _me_?"

"Like I know anything about acting like a lady!" Ryoko growled. "Come on, even Sasami is more grownup than me! I can't do this alone. Get real, Ayeka!"

"Acting like a lady is the one thing I was trained for," Ayeka smirked fiendishly. "Taking care of a home and winning a man's heart is a mystery but if there's one thing I can do it's act like a lady. What's to stop me from acting my age and letting you fend for yourself?"

"You try to cut me out and I'll make you act like a three year old," Ryoko growled. "Don't mess with me Ayeka. You know I can do it. If there's anyone who can push your buttons it's me."

"You got that right," Ayeka grunted as she looked away. To be honest she was feeling threatened by Ryoko's new found maturity as it was. "What's going on anyway? Since when did you become so smart?"

Now it was Ryoko's turn to look away. "If you want the truth, I don't think I am," she blushed. "I think it's Zero talking. Ever since Washu merged me with that shapeshifting robot Doctor Clay created I've had twice the brainpower. Let's face it. The darn robot was better at being Ryoko than me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Ayeka smiled and patted her rival's hand. "She didn't act better than you. Okay, maybe she was more hardworking and a little more ladylike… Uh, you're right," the princess smiled sheepishly. "She acted a lot better than you."

"Thanks for nothing," Ryoko grunted.

"But that was because she had access to your real personality," Ayeka continued. "She accessed the real you, the one you hide all the time. Your love for Tenchi was so strong that she was willing to betray her creator and sacrifice her own identity in order to protect Tenchi. If anything she let us know who you really are."

"Yeah," Ryoko gave Ayeka a weak thankful smile. "I'm glad _somebody_ knows. So how about those etiquette lessons, Ayeka?"

"Certainly Ryoko," the princess nodded. "If Noike sees us acting responsibly, she'll have a tougher time bossing us around."

"Fight the power," Ryoko nodded back.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately <em>deciding<em> to be more ladylike and responsible is easier than actually _being_ more ladylike and responsible. Later it was Ayeka's turn to take care of little Washu. Noike was the girl 'on call' which didn't sit with the first princess of Jurai at all. Why couldn't Sasami be her assistant, the two made such a terrific team! Still Ayeka was not one to shirk her responsibilities, particularly if Tenchi was attracted to responsible women.

Ryoko however could not resist being irresponsible. The problem with dreaming up an evil plan was that one couldn't resist the temptation to execute it.

Using her ghostly ability to phase through solid matter, the former space pirate stuck her head through the wall just in time to see Tenchi walk into the living room. "Hi there, Lady Ayeka," he greeted. "How is little Washu doing?"

"Oh she's just been a little angel, Tenchi!" Ayeka smiled sweetly as she held the baby.

"A little angel, eh?" Ryoko muttered to herself when she retreated to the safely of the hall outside the living room. "We'll see about that. Time to see just how strong the mental link between Washu and me really is."

"She can be a terror when she's bigger but she's just adorable when she's tiny," Ayeka gushed with motherly pride as Tenchi sat on the couch with her. "Look how adorable she is!"

"She sure is," Tenchi grinned. "It's hard to believe that this is really Washu."

"Look, she's trying to talk to us!" Ayeka cheered.

"Tenki chud mawwy We-oh-ko," baby Washu burbled.

"What was that little Washu?" Ayeka smiled.

"Tenki chud mawwy We-oh-ko," the baby repeated.

"Amazing," Tenchi frowned. "It's almost as if she's saying…"

"Tenchi chud mawwy We-oh-ko," the baby said.

"Tenchi should marry Ryoko?" Ayeka repeated in horror. "You take that back!"

The baby giggled at her distress.

Outside Ryoko rolled on the ground in obnoxious laughter.

"What?" Tenchi gasped. "Is this some plan of the Chousin goddesses?"

"You _would_ take her side!" Ayeka growled as she shook the baby.

"Ayeka be careful!" Tenchi warned as he pulled baby Washu from Ayeka's hands. "Do you want to break her neck? I heard that a British nanny killed a baby just like that!"

"How could she say that to me?" Ayeka hissed before she noticed the horrified look on Tenchi's face. "Er uh, I mean 'aren't babies so cute?'" She laughed nervously as she took baby Washu back into her arms.

Ryoko peeked through the wall again. In her hands she held two glasses of water. She drank out of one glass while she dipped her fingers in the other.

"Aah! She's peeing on me!" Ayeka cried as she held the baby away from her body. "You're doing that on purpose you little…"

"Ayeka!" Tenchi cried.

"I mean, 'go get me some fresh diapers Tenchi, Washu needs to be changed,'" Ayeka corrected herself as she held little Washu close again. "What is the matter with you?" she hissed at the baby.

"Now for the _coup de grâce_," Ryoko smirked before she stuck her finger down her throat. The space pirate gagged as she stood in the hall.

"Aaah!" Ayeka screamed in horror. "She threw up on me! Aaah!"

Before Tenchi's horrified eyes, she threw baby Washu up into the air. "Washu!" Tenchi cried as he ran to catch her. "Oh no!"

As the boy dove to the ground with his arms stretched in front of him Ryoko appeared magically above him. While floating in the air like a genie the former space pirate caught little Washu with the skill of a professional American football player. "Wow!" she gasped with exaggerated innocence as she examined her charge. "Are you all right, Little Washu? Did that childish mean ol' Ayeka just throw you away like yesterday's trash? That's okay, your daughter still loves you," she cooed while hugging the little baby. "Yes she does! Yes she does! Who's my little darling?" she teased the giggling baby. "You are! Oh yes, you're my little angel!" Ryoko and her infant mother laughed.

"Ryoko," Tenchi gasped as he rose to his feet to look at her in admiration. "That was quick thinking. You're always keeping an eye on her aren't you?"

"Well Tenchi, of course!" Ryoko didn't care if Washu had wet herself, she hugged her infant mother anyway. "Little Washu and Ryo-ohki are the only family I have in the universe," she continued in ridiculously overly innocent voice. "I wouldn't let anything happen to them. What kind of person would I be?"

"Wow," Tenchi smiled. "I've never seen this side of you. I'm impressed."

"I've seen too much of the big bad universe to be careless with things that really matter," Ryoko teased, "but I suppose that some of us who grew up more protected just haven't finished growing up yet."

"What?" Ayeka gasped. "Ryoko!" The princess' beautiful face contorted into a hideous goblin mask. "I don't know how but you did this on purpose!"

"You're a fine one to point fingers baby tosser," Ryoko snorted, her mask of maturity slipping. "Don't be such a baby."

_Next: _Virtues and Flaws__


	4. Virtues and Flaws

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Four: _Virtues and Flaws__

"I can't believe you did that, you little traitor!" Ayeka growled while she and Ryoko cleaned the house. Ayeka had the floors while Ryoko, who considered the law of gravity a polite suggestion, cleaned the walls and ceilings.

"Did what?" the former space pirate asked innocently.

"How you could rub my mistake in my face like that?" Ayeka fumed. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were responsible for little Washu acting up as well."

"Like I've ever had any control over Washu," Ryoko snorted as she levitated up to clean cobwebs out of a high spot. "Usually things go the other way."

"Not anymore," Ayeka said as she scrubbed on the floor. "Now _you've_ got the power. Until she's at least old enough to read I think that _you've_ got power over _her_ right now. Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with it?"

"I swear, I had nothing to do with it," Ryoko replied guiltily. "Not a thing."

"Humph!" the princess grunted. "Anyway you didn't have to point out my _faux pas_ like that. It was painful and obvious enough, don't you think?"

"I don't know," Ryoko made a big show of thinking it over. "It didn't seem to be painful and obvious _enough_... It seemed to be missing something."

"Ooh! There's just no talking to you!" the princess threw her scrub brush on the floor in frustration. "What happened to joining forces against the new menace? What happened to our truce? Did you forget all about that?"

"No…" Ryoko lied. This time her guilt seemed genuine.

"You know what I think?" Ayeka snarled as she rose to her feet to confront her rival. "I think that you don't know how to have fun unless you're tormenting somebody!"

"You take that back!" Ryoko stopped floating and faced the angry princess.

"Why should I? It's the truth," Ayeka sneered. "You know I'm telling the truth! And the truth hurts doesn't it? After dancing on Kagato's strings for a thousand years you don't know how to enjoy yourself unless you're making someone else completely miserable!"

"I'm warning you Ayeka!" Ryoko clenched her fists.

"You really _are_ a _monster_, aren't you?" Ayeka snapped. "You don't know any other way to behave do you?"

"Take that back!"

"Eek!" the princess yelped. Just as Ryoko threw a punch Ayeka took a step backwards as over a dozen wooden cylinders appeared in the air around her, each about the size of a thermos. Ryoko's fist bounced off the invisible force field that appeared just inches from Ayeka's face.

"Ow!" the former space pirate staggered backwards as she clutched her fist. She squeezed her golden eyes shut in a futile attempt to keep the tears from escaping.

"Ryoko?" Ayeka asked in a quiet voice. "Are you hurt?"

"Go away," Ryoko turned her back to keep Ayeka from seeing that she was crying.

"Ryoko," Ayeka took a hesitant step forward. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, I swear!"

"Oh yes you did," Ryoko said through grit teeth. "And you were right. Every word of it. Damn you Kagato." She disappeared with an electronic hum, leaving the princess alone in the hall.

"I've got to find her," the princess decided. "She shouldn't be alone when she's like this."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in Mihoshi's room, baby Washu was crying. "Oh my!" the Galaxy Police officer cried. "What's wrong, little Washu? You just had your nap. Do you need changing?" The blonde picked up the infant super genius and rocked her in her arms. "No, you don't need changing. Either that or your diapers are really absorbent. What could be wrong? You seemed so happy a moment ago. I know, I'll see if I can find a book on child psychology." With that, the buxom blonde set the baby on her futon and left the room.<p>

Moments later Mihoshi dashed back in and picked up the baby. The dizzy blonde wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she wasn't about to leave a baby alone and completely unattended.

She walked down the stairs and saw Tenchi sitting on the couch trying to relax after a hard day in the fields. "Oh. Tenchi," she began hesitantly as she brought the carrot topped baby over to him. "Could you hold little Washu for a moment? I want to see if there's any books on taking care of babies in your father's library. It's kind of dusty in there and I don't want little Washu to choke on anything."

"Sure Mihoshi," Tenchi nodded. "I don't mind. As a matter of fact I've been looking forward to spending some quality time with her now that she's little."

"Thanks Tenchi," the blonde giggled girlishly. "You're the best."

After she left Tenchi held the baby and muttered in a soft voice. "Well, Washu, you've finally done it. You've found a way to be truly innocent. Is this penance or a reward for everything you've put in motion? It's hard to believe that you're so much more than you seem." He paused. "Well, we're _all_ so much more than we seem aren't we? There isn't anyone in this house who's what they seem are they? And you least of all.

"Were you always a goddess, Washu? Did you exist before the universe began? Were you ever a baby or did you always exist? Do you even know anymore?" He ruefully chuckled to himself. "Well you don't know _now_, but somewhere you must still exist in your almighty timeless and immortal goddess form don't you? So somewhere, on some dimension of time and space you can understand what I'm saying. Did you turn yourself into a baby just so you could forget that you're a goddess? Or is this supposed to help Ryoko?"

"I wish you hadn't gone back to a second childhood like this," Tenchi sighed. "Now I'm the only one who knows that the history of the universe, the history of all of time and space, is all part of a plan for the three Chousin Goddesses to find the most powerful being in all creation. You know you never _did_ tell me why you were looking for him," he smiled at the baby who had fortunately cried herself out and went to sleep.

"You know, sometimes I wish I had never went into that cave," he sighed, "but now most of the time I'm terrified of losing you, all of you. The sad fact is that I don't deserve the love and devotion you girls give me. It's destiny, or fate, or this weird 'god-force' that's in me. The girls can't help being attracted to me. I could probably treat them like garbage and they'll still come crawling back."

"How can I keep stringing them along?" A tear escaped Tenchi's eye. "They don't deserve to be used this way. They've been the chess pieces for you and your sisters for their entire lives. Are they going to be my playthings too?

"If I had any decency I'd tell all of them to leave before they get too far in but I'm scared! I'm scared of being all alone. I know I complain about not having any privacy but the truth of the matter is that I can't go back; I'm not the same boy who went in the cave anymore. Let's face it, after everything that's happened, I feel like an alien on my own planet.

"After everything's that happened I trust you girls more than my own flesh and blood," he continued. "Even you Washu. You didn't know that you were a goddess and that you and your crazy sisters put all this in motion. You were as horrified as I am when you figured it out; that's why you decided to erase your own memory and why your goddess persona decided to arrange this 'accident' for you. I don't blame you for everything that's happened. I guess I'm still ignorant enough to think of the goddess Washu and the mortal Washu being two different people. Silly huh? Shows what a crummy god _I'd_ make."

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I know who you're going to be when you grow up but who knows who I'm going to be in the future. If the girls keep spoiling me like this I might become a real creep. Can you imagine what would happen if the most beautiful women in the universe became my willing harem? I'd become the most arrogant being in the universe!"

He shook his head. "I can't let that happen, Washu. I can't let Tenchi Masaki become anything less than a saint or as the decades go by I'll become more and more evil. I'll become an arrogant pervert first, then a selfish jerk, and then someone who doesn't care who lives or dies as long as he gets his way. And thanks to the power within me every woman in outer space will go along with it until it's too late. I can't take the risk. I've got to have boundaries. Right now. Before it's too late. While I'm still impressionable."

He looked down and smiled at the baby. "Actually, I think I should thank you and your daughter for keeping me in my place. You never pass up a chance to humiliate me and Ryoko doesn't let me get away with much. As long as she and the others aren't _too_ nice to me I might be able to keep this up for a long time. People from outer space don't seem to age as fast as Earthlings so I don't have to change the status quo because someone's biological clock is ticking. I can wait until we all grow up a bit before I have to decide what I'm going to do."

He shook his head in disgust. "Listen to me! I'm afraid that one day the girls are going to wise up and leave Earth when that's what I should tell them to do in the first place. I'm not just afraid, I'm terrified! I love all of them like my own family but if I made them all my wives I'd be the cruelest pervert in the universe! I know what the right thing to do is but I can't bring myself to do it!"

He sighed as he looked at baby Washu's exhausted angelic face. "I'm sorry, Washu, you were right. I should have erased my memory when I had the chance. I suppose I still could but this seems to be the best way to make sure that Tenchi Masaki becomes the man the girls think I am instead of the monster I don't want to be. I hope I'm making the right decision and that you grow up fast enough to help me through the rough spots. In the meantime I'll pull my weight around here and take care of you for a change. Loving an innocent baby should keep me a 'good guy' long enough to figure myself out. Don't worry, I won't let you down."

"What's the matter, Tenchi?" Noike asked as she walked in behind him. "Weight of the cosmos got you down?"

"What?" Tenchi flinched. How long had she been in here? Had she been listening? Honestly when they wanted to those girls seemed to be as silent as cats. "Oh, you know… It's still a shock to discover that I'm royalty." It wasn't really a lie was it? "There are only two bullets between me and rulership of Jurai. Let's face it; if anything happens to King Azusa and Grandpa, the universe is in a lot of trouble!"

Noike gave an indulgent giggle. "Don't sell yourself short Tenchi. Lady Seto would be there to advise you. Even if the worst happened, I'm sure you could handle the responsibility. Don't worry so."

"I can barely handle living with all of _you_," Tenchi winked.

"After living with us, the difficulties of being a king should be easy," Noike joked as she sat on across from Tenchi on the other side of the 'L' shaped couch.

"No really, Noike, think about it," Tenchi sighed. "I've got the power of the lighthawk wings and the adoration of the most beautiful women in the universe. How do I know that it won't spoil me and turn me into someone I don't want to be? It would be different if I was only going to live for a handful of decades, but Jurian royalty lives for thousands of years. How do I know I'm that I'm not going to change into somebody I don't like as the centuries go by?"

"You'll probably change many times as the centuries go by," Noike told him, "but if you like who you are now why don't you try to enjoy it instead of worrying yourself to death? Tell you what? Why don't you spend some time on my ship, Kyoko? It will help you relax and maybe then you can finally get a little privacy."

* * *

><p>Outside, under a tree by the pond, Ryoko was sitting on a rock watching the sun go down. The former space pirate had finally stopped crying and was trying to get ahold of herself. "How did you find me?" she grumbled.<p>

Ayeka thought she had been quiet, but apparently Ryoko's oversized ears weren't just decorative. What to say? She couldn't tell her that she had followed the sound of the space pirate's sobbing. "Usually you're _in_ a tree and not just sitting by one," she commented to evade the question. "What's the matter? Did you suddenly develop a fear of heights?"

"I was feeling down," Ryoko quipped grimly. "You were right, Ayeka. I'm a monster. The only way I know how to have fun is to torture someone."

"Oh we all do that at one point or another," Ayeka smiled disarmingly as she sat next to Ryoko. "Even Sasami has a mischievous side."

"Yeah but for me it's constant," Ryoko grumbled. "I bore easily. Nothing gets my attention. And now that I got Zero in my head I've started noticing. I'm hopeless."

"Zero wanted to be you more than anything in the universe," Ayeka told her. "If you were as bad as you say she would have completed her mission, slain Tenchi and captured Washu."

Ryoko looked at Ayeka skeptically.

"She was willing to sacrifice her life for what you believed in," Ayeka insisted. "Why would she do that if deep down you were really a monster?"

"Maybe I got a really strong personality," Ryoko suggested. "My mind must have overrode hers. She couldn't have had a strong sense of identity. She was always absorbing other people's memories. Even now I can't remember anything from her life before she met lady Tokimi. She was weak, I was strong. It's that simple."

"If that was right, how come she was a much nicer Ryoko than you?" Ayeka winked. "She copied the real you and she liked that better than herself. Zero had fun making Tenchi happy. She was programmed for infiltration and betrayal so why would she forsake her own creator in order to be you? I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. She knew who you really are and just… reinterpreted you a bit. She read all your mind data and liked what she saw so much that she only showed your virtues, because where she was sitting, they outshone your flaws. Even the perfect infiltrator couldn't copy you that easily. You're just too complex."

"Since when did you get so nice all of a sudden?" Ryoko gave a wry smile.

"I've always been nice, most of the time," Ayeka said. "Not as nice as I'd like to be, but I'm very nice."

"How do _I_ get nicer?" Ryoko grumbled. "If I don't shape up neither one of us is going to get Tenchi. I'll act like a jerk and you'll overreact. Noike will waltz right off with Tenchi and there won't be a thing we can do about it."

"Overreact?" Ayeka frowned. "I don't 'overreact' do I? You said yourself that you like torturing people! Can I help it if I…?"

She stopped when she saw the frown on Ryoko's face.

"Oh," the princess blinked before she clasped her hands and looked away. "Maybe I _do_ overreact, just a little."

"Yeah," Ryoko sighed. "So what do we do?"

"Well, I guess the first thing we need to do is find out what else will entertain you," Ayeka decided. "And we need to brush up on our etiquette."

The look on Ryoko's face combined skepticism and resignation.

"Come on, please!" Ayeka pleaded. "This is the one thing that I'm good at! I'm a teenage princess! I'm not really good at anything else but being a lady! Please give me a chance! I don't think my self-esteem can take much more."

"Why are you so good at doing chores?" Ryoko asked abruptly.

"I'm not good at doing chores." Ayeka put her hands on her hips. "I just try harder than you, that's all."

"Come on," Ryoko grunted. "It took you no time at all to pitch in and earn your keep around here. And Sasami could cook professionally. What's up with that?"

"Oh, well…" Ayeka shrugged. "It's the philosophy of the royal houses of Jurai that one must learn to serve in order to learn to lead. The idea is to instill empathy and humility so that later in life when the young royal gets ahold of some real power there will be less temptation to abuse it. Since we're nearly immortal it's not like those years working beneath our station will be wasted."

"And it'll be handy knowing how to wash dishes if there's ever a coup and you find yourself out on your ear," Ryoko smirked.

"I'm _trying_ to be nice," Ayeka snarled. "Can't you _try_ to be more pleasant? You better start behaving like a lady if you want it to be second nature."

"Do you think maybe it's a plot of Lady Seto's to find out who can take being a servant and who's arrogant enough to make a play for the throne?" Ryoko asked.

"Oh dear," Ayeka put her hand to her mouth. "I hadn't thought of that. You're right. It's an easy way to find out who the bad apples are from the very beginning. Dear me, who'd have thought? Isn't she devious?"

"Yeah, and she's the one who trained Noike," Ryoko grit her teeth. "We've got to be just as devious and just as ladylike if we want a chance to marry Tenchi. Okay, Ayeka. You've got a deal. You can teach me to be a lady and I'll do my best to find something to entertain me aside of tormenting you for fun. Together we can beat her at her own game."

"Hey!" Ayeka clenched her fists. "I thought you had fun tormenting people in general! Why are you picking on _me _specifically?"

"You make it easy on me," Ryoko shrugged. "Honestly, sometimes it takes more effort _not_ to torment you than to pick on you."

"I do not make it easy!" Ayeka protested. "I don't get upset any easier than the next girl. Do you expect me to believe…?"

Ryoko gave her a look of disappointed resignation.

"Er uh, yes," the princess stammered. "Perhaps I _do_ have a thin skin." She gave an embarrassed laugh.

_Next: _Get a Clue__


	5. Get a Clue

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Five: Get a Clue_

"Thanks for another great meal, Sasami," said Tenchi as he and the girls sat around the table after dinner. "You never disappoint us."

"Thanks, Tenchi, but Mihoshi and Noike helped," the little girl said.

"Well in that case I guess it's our turn to do the dishes," Ayeka said as she held Ryoko's hand and rose from the table. "Lord Tenchi? With your permission?"

"You don't need my permission, Lady Ayeka," Tenchi blushed.

"Hey!" Ryoko frowned as she pulled her hand away from the princess. "Why do _we_ gotta do the dishes?"

"Mature and responsible remember?" Ayeka murmured through clenched teeth.

"I mean, oh yeah!" the former space pirate corrected herself. "It really _is_ our turn to do the dishes! That's right!"

The two girls bowed and curtsied before Ayeka took some dirty dishes to the kitchen. Ryoko studied her dainty walk before picking up some dishes herself. She then turned and stiffly imitated Ayeka's short feminine strides.

"See, Ryoko?" Ayeka smiled as she washed the dishes. "We're responsible young women now."

"Gosh Noike, you sure have them well trained," Tenchi's voice called from the dining room.

"Thanks Tenchi," Noike's voice said.

"Ooh!" Ayeka frowned and clenched her fist. "How dare that alley cat take credit for my good upbringing!"

"Yeah, the plan was for _me_ to do that!" Ryoko snarled.

"Well the capital city of Jurai wasn't built in a day," Ayeka muttered as she went back out to get more dishes. "Oh Tenchi, I was thinking… why don't we have a family game night?"

"A family game night?" Ryoko asked.

"Yes." Although Ayeka was smiling she gave Ryoko a determined look. "A family game night. Who knows? Maybe those of us who haven't played many games will find it amusing."

"Oh… I get it," Ryoko nodded. "Sure. A family game night. Sounds fun."

"Yippee!" Mihoshi smiled as she held baby Washu.

* * *

><p>After the table was cleared, a board game was set up at the table and Tenchi divided the cards into three decks and shuffled them. "Okay, the game is <em>Clue<em>. The object of the game is to solve the mystery. Mister Boddy has been murdered and in order to solve the case, you use process of elimination to determine the suspect, the location, and the weapon. I'm placing the one room, one weapon and one suspect in the yellow envelop marked 'confidential' and placing it at 'Staircase X' that's in the middle of the board. The rest of the cards I'm dealing out to the rest of you. When you move your piece into a room you can make a 'supposition'. Choose any suspect or weapon and place them in the room and make your guess. The player next to you has to show you a clue proving you wrong if they got it. Otherwise the next player has to and so on. If none of the players do, you move to 'Staircase X' and make your 'accusation' and remove the cards and see if you're right. Any questions?"

"Yeah," Mihoshi chirped. "What about DNA testing, spectral analysis, and fingerprints? What about profiling, autopsies, and physical evidence?"

"Oh Mihoshi, you're so silly," Ayeka giggled. "Earth is such a primitive planet. They probably don't have those things here."

"But there are fingerprints right here on the cards," Mihoshi said as she held up a card for all to see.

"It's just a game, bubblehead," Noike grumbled as she held baby Washu.

"But there are fingerprints on the cards," Mihoshi insisted. "I'm a detective first class in the Galaxy Police and this isn't the way we do it…"

"It's just a game!" Noike punched the blonde on the top of her head. "Don't make such a big deal out of it!"

"Uh… the game has been simplified so you don't have to be a Galaxy Police officer to solve the mystery," Tenchi said.

"Okay, I'll take this purple piece," Ayeka said as she chose the purple pawn.

"I'll be the yellow one," Mihoshi said as she chose her pawn.

"I'll be the turquoise one," Ryoko said as she picked one. "It matches the color of my hair."

"There isn't a blue one," Sasami said as she looked in the box. "I guess I'll pick the white one then."

"Since Washu can't play I'll pick the red one for her," Noike said. "Unless you want me to take the green one, Tenchi."

"No the red one will be fine," Tenchi smiled back. "Okay, I'm Mister Green…"

"And I'm Mrs. Peacock," Ryoko said.

"And I'm Colonel Mustard!" Mihoshi gushed. "Wow! I'm a full colonel! Just a second while I get my troops!" With that, the dizzy blonde got up from the table and dashed off.

"I'm playing Miss Scarlet," Noike said as she balanced Washu on her lap.

"And I'm Mrs. White," said Sasami.

"Hey!" Ayeka growled. "I'm Professor Plum! Professor Plum is a man! Why do I have to be a man? Get me a female character!"

"Washu's a professor and _she's_ a girl," Noike shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

"The picture on the card is _male_!" Ayeka sneered as she showed the others one of her cards. "I am _not_ playing a _man_!"

"At least Mrs. Peacock is a girl," Ryoko frowned at one of her cards. "But it looks like she's some old bag."

"At least _yours_ looks like you!" Ayeka spat.

"Hey you take that back!" Ryoko growled.

"Mrs. White is the maid," Noike smiled as she looked at one of her cards. "At least we got that right. With the amount of work Sasami does around here, it seems like good casting."

"Don't show each other your cards," Tenchi sighed. "Now I gotta shuffle them all over again."

"I'm not playing a masculine Professor Plum!" Ayeka insisted.

"Play her as a woman then," Noike suggested. "It's just a picture. Calm down. Nobody cares."

"Well if I've got to play the professor, I'm going to change into a period costume!" Ayeka fumed. "I don't want anybody to think I'm the old man in the picture!"

Soon the girls were back around the table, wearing straight line chemises, short skirts, and bell shaped cloche hats appropriate for England or the United States in the 1920's. Mihoshi was wearing a military uniform complete with the 'scrambled eggs' leaf pattern on her hat and the 'fruit salad' campaign ribbons on her chest.

"Okay," Sasami said she moved her pawn into a large space on the board representing a room. She looked adorable in her sky-blue bell shaped cloche hat and matching chemise, jacket, and skirt. The flat chested boyish figure combined with the short skirt was amazingly appropriate for a girl her age. "I've gotten into the ballroom. How do I make an accusation, Tenchi?"

"Just pick a suspect and a weapon Sasami," Tenchi suggested.

"Okay," Sasasmi said as she picked up the purple pawn. "I think that Professor Plum took the knife and…"

"Sasami!" Ayeka squawked. "You dare accuse me? Your own sister? What did I ever do to you?"

"Ooh! Sorry!" the little girl apologized as she put the purple pawn back. She picked up the turquoise pawn and put it in the large space marked 'Ballroom'. "I think that Mrs. Peacock used the knife in the…"

"Great!" Ryoko snarled. "You think it was me just because I've got a history! Way to forgive and forget, Sasami!"

"I'm sorry!" stammered Sasami as she quickly put the turquoise pawn back where she found it. "I'll uh… accuse Mister Green if that's all right…" She looked at Tenchi hopefully.

"Sure Sasami," Tenchi shrugged. "Go ahead. It's okay."

"Okay, I think that Tenchi—I mean Mister Green was in the ballroom when he stabbed Mister Boddy with the knife," Sasami announced in a shaky voice. "Does anybody have any clues that can prove me wrong?"

"Okay everyone," Tenchi announced. "You're looking for Mister Green, the Knife, or the Ballroom. The player on her left looks first, and if I have it, I've got to show her one without showing the rest of you, okay? Here goes." He looked at his cards. "Okay, I've got a clue. Here it is, Sasami. Okay it's my turn. As long as I'm here I might as well accuse someone. Uh… Miss Scarlet," he seized the red pawn and placed it in the ballroom with the white and the green pawn. "I submit that Miss Scarlet shot Mister Boddy with the revolver."

"That's not a revolver, it's an automatic," Mihoshi frowned.

"What's the difference?" Sasami asked.

"A revolver is a cowboy gun and that isn't a cowboy gun," Mihoshi insisted. "I'm in the military. I know these things."

"Anyway," Tenchi sighed. "Miss Scarlet shot Mister Boddy in the ballroom…"

"Ha-Ha!" Ryoko laughed. "She shot him in the ballroom! What's the matter, Noike? Did Mister Boddy demand to see _your_ body? Why did ya shoot him his happy place? That's below the belt if you're asking me!"

"Do you have Miss Scarlet, the revolver, or the ballroom?" Tenchi asked wearily.

"Hell no!" Ryoko snickered. "So you think she shot him in the balls! I had no idea this game was so interesting! Accusing people of crimes is pretty fun when the one being accused isn't me!"

"Ladylike and mature," Ayeka hissed through clenched teeth.

"I've got one of the clues," Mihoshi told him. "The Galaxy Police takes collecting evidence very seriously."

"Thanks, Mihoshi, come over here and show me your card," Tenchi smiled.

"Here you go, Tenchi," the blonde said as she walked over to him. "This is fun! Who's turn is it next?"

"It's my turn," Ryoko crowed, "and I just rolled high enough to get into the conservatory. Okay, who do I put on the hot seat? Hmmm." She petted a sleeping Ryo-ohki in cat-rabbit form as she looked around the table. "Tenchi!" she seized the green pawn. "My darling! It was you who killed Mister Boddy for finding those love letters we sent each other!" She handed Ryo-ohki to Sasami and put her arms around the young Jurian prince.

"You foolish boy! You did it to protect _me_! You lured him to the conservatory promising to pay his blackmail, then pulled out your long hard lead pipe and bashed him over the head with it! When that didn't finish him, he seized the candlestick!" With one arm around Tenchi, she started moving weapons into the corner of the board with her forefinger. "Soon you were in the battle of your life, and tripped him with the rope! He pulled out the revolver, and you threw the knife! But you missed and in self-defense you were forced to throttle him with your bare hands before finishing him off with the lead pipe!"

She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. "Finally! It was over! He was dead! But where to hide the body? You tried to move him down the stairs when you heard someone coming! You darted upstairs and climbed out the window down the nearby tree. And all this whole time you've been racked with guilt! Guilt! Guilt over doing the unthinkable! But I understand, my love! You were backed in a corner! You had no choice! Run away with me, my love, where no one will ever find us!"

She clasped his cheeks with her hands and put her face close to his. "I've got some money stashed away; we'll do all right! We'll have to change our names but I know some people who can help us! Come my love! We can fly free! Let us go to a place where you'll never have to look over your shoulder again! It was you! In the Conservatory! With the pipe! And I still love you after everything you've done!"

The table was quiet as Ryoko pushed Tenchi's cheeks together and stared into his eyes. Finally Tenchi said in a muffled voice: "Des anyvotty got any ub duh clues?"

"I do, thank goodness," Ayeka gasped. She flipped through her cards and showed one to Ryoko.

"Ooh! Ooh! It's my turn!" Mihoshi smiled. She reached under the table and pulled out a number of chess pieces. "Okay, I've got my men surrounding the house and the roads cut off here, here and here!" she said she arranged the chess pieces around the board rather than on it. "We have a potential hostage situation, so these men have been handpicked from the Special Forces Group to counter the threat! Mister Boddy knew a lot of military secrets so we don't know if his death has compromised national security! I submit that Professor Plum did it, because the Professor is the only one who's smart enough to know the value of Boddy's information. Mister Boddy called me the night he died and told me that his life was in danger! I got here as soon as I could, but I wasn't fast enough! This area is under military law and no one is getting out until we have the murderer!"

"Mihoshi, what are you doing?" Noike asked.

"I'm playing Colonel Mustard," blinked the befuddled blonde. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"I have no idea," Noike frowned. "Roll the die and move your guy, chowderhead."

"Okay, time to assume command!" Mihoshi rolled the die. One-two-three. I still haven't gotten anywhere. Your turn, Ayeka."

"All right," Ayeka put the die into a plastic cylinder and made a lot of noise rattling it around before finally rolling it out onto the table. "I rolled a six. One-two-three… I made it! I'm in the kitchen. Let's see… who do I think is capable of premeditated murder? Hmm… Who could it be?"

"Oh boy," Ryoko snorted. "Here we go."

"Who could be capable of cold blooded deliberate murder?" Ayeka mused as she studied the board and her finger to her lower lip. "Who could it be? Just _who_ could it be? Colonel Mustard has the military training, and has been in combat. Taking a life would be no big deal for him…"

"Come on, we all know that you're going to pick me," Ryoko grumbled.

"On the other hand Mister Boddy would trust Miss Scarlet," Ayeka scratched her chin. "He wouldn't be the first man she lured to his doom with her seductive charms. I'll bet the graveyards are full of gullible men who fell for that smile."

"If you've got it, flaunt it," Noike smiled and shimmied seductively in her seat.

Ryoko crossed her arms. "Come on now, we all know it's gonna be me."

"But Mister Green was his biggest competitor," Ayeka wagged her finger at the green pawn. "They've been enemies for years. It was only a matter of time before one decided to do away with the other."

"Knock it off, we all know who you're going to pick," Ryoko complained.

"Of course Mrs. White may have been spying on him for Mister Green," Ayeka continued. "When Boddy caught her in the act she had to silence him with the closest weapon at hand…"

"It's gonna be me," Ryoko shook her head and shrugged. "I just know it."

"I think I'll accuse Colonel…" she reached slowly for the yellow pawn before quickly snatching up the turquoise one. "…Mrs. Peacock!"

"Surprise, surprise," Ryoko muttered.

Ayeka held a feathered fan horizontally just under her mouth and cackled in high-pitched refined yet irritating feminine laugh. "A-ha-ha-ha-ha! I have you now, Mrs. Peacock! You thought you could get away with it! I admit you had me fooled by hiding the rope in Colonel Mustard's room, but the colonel's background would allow him to tie a proper figure eight knot. Besides, he would never just throw it into his wardrobe uncoiled! He's too neat of a person to do that, the army drums it into you.

"No, you knew about Mister Boddy's habit of a late night drink, so you waited until we had all gone to bed, and Boddy came downstairs and opened a bottle of wine. That was when you made your move. He didn't see you there under the table did he? I examined your bathrobe while you were out and discovered that the area just at knee level was dirty. You must have been on your hands and knees weren't you? Then as he was pouring his second drink you crept up behind him and choked the life out of him with the rope!

"He must have put up quite a struggle, that's how you got that bruise on your arm. Tripped while getting out of the tub indeed! He kicked your shins too, didn't he? You said you bruised them getting into your motorcar, but you didn't have those bruises yesterday, and that long skirt you're wearing went out of style five years ago! Tried to cover them up, did you?

"And the cleverest part was using _me_ as an alibi! I wondered why you were in the shower for so long, but I never walked in on you. It's probably a good thing, because if I had found out you weren't in the shower before I put all the pieces together I would probably be dead too.

"Why did you do it, Peacock? Did he promise to marry you? He was stringing you along; he was never leaving his wife, and one day you realized you had been used and you were going to make him pay. Tell me, how did it feel to choke the life out of him? Was it hard moving the body and how long did you have to hide in the closet when the butler came by at the wrong time? All we have to do is match your perfume to the one on the rope and we'll have enough to take you in. So how do you want it, Mrs. Peacock? The electric chair or the hangman's noose?"

Ryoko responded by clapping slowly in an exaggerated fashion, one clap at a time. "Very good Professor Plum, nine out of ten. But I'm subtracting one for evidence. You got nothing on me! The night's still young and we've barely started the game! Don't be surprised if you find the evidence mounting against you before the evening's over."

"Oh boy," Tenchi groaned. "We should have played 'The Game of Life'.

"Okay," Ryoko said as she flipped through her cards. "That's Mrs. Peacock in the kitchen with the rope. Does anybody got a clue that will get me off? Anybody? Anybody at all?"

Noike spread her cards into a fan and held them out of baby Washu's reach. "Nope. I don't have anything."

"Neither do I," Tenchi said.

"What?" Ryoko gasped. "Somebody's got to have something!"

"I don't," Sasami said as she and a toddler Ryo-ohki looked at her cards.

"Neither do I," Mihoshi said before she picked up her pawn and one of the chess pieces she had brought in. "Soldier, check the files back at headquarters. See if they missed anything," she said in a stern tone. "Aye, aye sir!" she squeaked as she wiggled the chess piece. "You can count on me!"

"Nyaaah, hah hah hah hah!" Ayeka laughed with her fan held flat in front of her chin. "We've got you Mrs. Peacock! Hah, hah, hah, haha, ha, hyaah! There's nowhere to run now!"

"That's what you think Professor Princess!" Ryoko shook her fist. A ball of energy shot out of her hand and knocked the table over, sending the board and playing pieces flying. "They'll never take me alive!" the former space pirate shouted as she ran out of the room.

Tenchi shuddered as he heard a window breaking. "She didn't have to do that," he groaned. "She can phase through the wall!"

_Next: Ladylike_


	6. Ladylike

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Six: __Ladylike_

"Your behavior last night was disgraceful," Ayeka sniffed disdainfully as she and Ryoko enjoyed a morning cup of tea on the balcony.

"My behavior?" Ryoko snarled as she fed little Washu with a baby bottle. "What about _your_ behavior, Little Miss 'I have you now'?"

"I was _trying_ to get into character," Ayeka frowned. "I thought you were too. Honestly I didn't think you'd throw the game on the floor and jump out the window. Until Noike masters Washu's technology Tenchi has to replace it the slow way. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Well excuse me," Ryoko apologized sarcastically. "Obviously you've never been on the run before. If memory serves me, it was you who was the hunter. I recall someone firing on a protected planet to attack a girl who had no criminal record…"

"No criminal record?" Ayeka snapped. "I was there when you attacked Jurai!"

"Tsunami got the Holy Council to put a statute of limitations on my crimes, girlie," the former space pirate smirked. "My slate's cleaner than Washu's behind after her bath. If you weren't a princess it would be you who the Galaxy Police would bring in and not me."

"You! You!" the princess sputtered as she rose to her feet. "How dare you! Thanks to the suspended animation I put myself in for me your attack on Jurai was practically yesterday!"

"I can't help it if you're afraid to grow up!" Ryoko rose from her seat to face her rival. "It's your fault if you can't face the universe, Ayeka!"

"There's just no talking to you!" Ayeka shouted as thermos sized cylinders of wood appeared around her.

"WAAAAAAH!" baby Washu cried. Ryoko had forgotten she was holding her.

"Ooh! Mom!" Ryoko hissed softly. "It's okay! We didn't mean it! Your daughter loves you and it's going to be okay! Everything's fine, I promise!"

"Oh!" Ayeka blushed as the logs floating around her vanished. She picked up a rattle and dangled it in front of baby Washu. "Here we are..." she half chanted in a gentle voice. "Here's your rattle. It's making noise, see?"

"Damn, we gotta watch ourselves," Ryoko grumbled.

"Yes," Ayeka sighed. "Noike's going to win Tenchi for sure if we keep sabotaging each other."

"Who said anything about Noike?" Ryoko growled. "We gotta watch out for Washu, you idiot! She's just a baby now!" The pirate sniffed and groaned. "Great. I think we literally scared the crap out of her. I gotta go change her." With that remark, the silver haired woman and the carrot topped baby vanished.

Ryoko reappeared in the kitchen. "Don't mind me," she said to Sasami as she stripped the infant Washu out of her jumper. "I gotta take care of my mother."

"It's alright Ryoko, I understand," Sasami said as a toddler Ryo-ohki played with blocks on the floor. Since Washu had become a baby, Sasami was once again Ryo-ohki's primary caregiver. "I won't need to use the sink. Don't worry."

"There we go," Ryoko removed the offending diaper and put in a large Ziploc bag before throwing it in the trash. "Now let's get you nice and clean." She started the water and waited for it to get to a lukewarm temperature. "We're going to play in the water!" she cooed at the baby. "Won't that be fun?"

Washu laughed and splashed in the sink.

"You're so cute!" Ryoko cooed. "Yes, you are! Who's my little mommy? You are of course! Oh yes, you're my cute little mommy!"

"Meow?" Ryo-ohki stood up and looked at Sasami quizzically.

"Wow, Ryoko acts like Washu's her baby or something," the blue haired child said. Little Sasami jealously recalled how possessive Ryoko was of Ryo-ohki when Noike first arrived. Now that Washu had been turned into a baby, Ryoko had transferred her affections to her mother, leaving little Ryo-ohki for the little princess.

"You just the greatest cutesy-smootsy-alakabootsie little mommy in the world aren't you?" Ryoko teased the laughing baby.

"Wow, what's going on here?" an astonished Tenchi said as he entered the kitchen.

"I don't know," Sasami said as she hugged Ryo-ohki protectively. "Ryoko's acting just like _my_ mommy!"

"Who's my little girl?" Ryoko chanted joyfully. "Who's my little girl?"

Little Washu laughed as she splashed in the water.

"I've never seen this side of her," Tenchi said in awe.

"Who's my little… huh?" Ryoko froze when she saw Tenchi watching her. She blushed, cleared her throat and assumed a harsher tone with Washu. "That's it, you're finally clean you little eyesore!"

Baby Washu giggled and reached out to her daughter.

"Stop looking so cute!" Ryoko snarled as she bent over to stare her infant mother in the eye. "You aren't fooling me! Behind that adorable little puddum lurks a sick mind! You aren't fooling anyone, you little…"

Baby Washu cooed and gently touched Ryoko's face.

"Oh who am I kidding?" Ryoko groaned as she pulled her mother out of the sink. "I can't stay mad at you. You're just too cute." Soon Ryoko was rocking the baby in her arms. "Who's my little eyesore?" she teased. "Who's my cuddly little eyesore?" She gave Tenchi a bashful smile.

"Wow, I'm impressed," Tenchi grinned gently. "It looks like you make a real good mother, Ryoko."

While Tenchi's smile was subtle, Ryoko's grin wasn't. "Oh well, practice makes perfect! We have our cute little Ryo-ohki to thank for that! Isn't that right, my little lost cause?"

The furry toddler meowed and looked behind her before realizing that Ryoko was talking about her. She pointed at herself and meowed questioningly again.

Ryoko giggled while cradling her infant mother. "You are such a lost cause! And now your mother is our little eyesore!" she teased.

"Well I'm glad that Washu's in such good hands," Tenchi said as he turned to go.  
>He stopped and turned when he got to the doorway. "I guess it's true what they say: Everything's different when it's <em>your <em>baby isn't it?"

Ryoko blushed in alarm as she hugged Washu protectively before she gave a sheepish laugh and shifted Washu into one of her arms so she could scratch the back of her neck. "Yeah, I guess so!"

She laughed again and so did Tenchi, but Sasami and Ryo-ohki backed away since Ryoko was laughing so unnaturally. Ayeka entered the kitchen and stared at Ryoko and Tenchi with a look of alarm on her face.

"Well, keep up the good work," Tenchi waved. "I better get out to the fields before I jinx you. I'll be back by lunch but if you need me before then, you know where to find me."

"Okay Tenchi," Ryoko's smile was more natural now. "Have a good day!" After Tenchi left she giggled girlishly and spun little Washu around. "So _that's_ how to be a responsible adult! Take care of younger relative! It was right in front of me the whole time!"

Ryo-ohki meowed indignantly.

"Oh don't worry, my little lost cause," she chided as she scratched at the furry toddler behind the ear. "I couldn't have done it without you!" She turned her attention back to her tiny mother. "Okay, my little eyesore, let's get you dressed!" With that remark, mother and child disappeared as Ryoko teleported away.

When Ryoko vanished Sasami gave a sigh of relief and started chopping vegetables. "Wow, that was strange, wasn't it Ayeka? It's like Ryoko's been possessed or something."

"Yes..." Ayeka wasn't really paying attention. Ryoko had pulled ahead in the race to Tenchi's heart because she put her mother's needs before her own and actually stepped up to face her new responsibilities. Ryoko of all people!

What was Ayeka's reaction to little Washu's distress? Their rivalry with Noike? What kind of person was she? Could she even call herself a woman? What heartless monster could be thinking of her own petty concerns when there's a helpless baby present? Tears welled up in the first princess' crimson eyes. "Oh Sasami, I'm such a bad person…" She knelt and covered her face with her hands.

"Are you okay, Ayeka? Why are you crying?" asked a concerned Sasami. "Ow!" the child yelped. "I cut myself!"

"Sasami!" Ayeka squeaked. "Don't worry! I'll get some Band-Aids! In the meantime wash it off so germs don't get in it!" The teenage girl quickly dashed out of the room in a girly run.

"Hurry, it's bleeding, Ayeka!" Sasami squeaked as she ran her finger under the faucet and tried to stop the bleeding.

"Meow! Meow!" Ryo-ohki, the feared pirate ship and the ravager of worlds dashed about the kitchen in a panic.

Ayeka came back in with the Band-Aids and set them on the counter so she could open one of them. "Here, give me your finger Sasami!"

"Okay," said a subdued Sasami. Tears were starting to form in her reddish-pink eyes, but she tried to remain calm.

Ayeka bandaged her sister's finger and lightly kissed the Band-Aid. "There. All better," she assured the preteen princess. "Oh!" Her eyes widened as an epiphany came to her. "Maybe I'm not such a bad person after all!" she smiled as she hugged her little sister.

"Ayeka," Sasami protested. "I'm not hurt _that_ bad. I've cut my finger lots of times before you know."

"Meow," Ryo-ohki nodded.

"I know, but sometimes I forget how much I appreciate you," Ayeka said as she hugged Sasami.

* * *

><p>Once little Washu was dressed the former space pirate took her mother outside. While he was working in the carrot fields Tenchi looked in the sky to see Ryoko soaring through the sky with her infant mother. Ryoko would throw little Washu into the airand catch her, shouting "Whee!" as her tiny mother laughed and shrieked with glee.<p>

He smiled as he saw Ryoko bonding with the red-headed baby. "Ryoko sure has come a long way," he said to himself. "I can't believe that's the same girl who burned my school down. And shrunk my house," he frowned. "And almost killed me by crashing her spaceship on purpose. And nearly destroyed Auntie's hot springs. And spied on me while I was in the bathroom." He cleared his throat and assumed a cheerful demeanor again. "Well like I said, she certainly has come a long way."

"Watching your little girl grow up?" Noike asked as she walked over to him.

"Oh! Noike! I didn't see you there," Tenchi greeted.

"It's hard to believe that used to be the most feared space pirate in the universe," the emerald haired enchantress said as she leaned against him and looked up at the flying Ryoko.

Meanwhile, Ryoko had tossed little Washu high into the sky before noticing Tenchi and Noike with her peripheral vision. "Hey!" she shouted. "Hands off my Tenchi!"

"Whee!" baby Washu dropped past the angry Ryoko and plummeted to the earth like a stone.

"Aah!" Ryoko screamed. "Washu!"

"Oh my gawd! Washu!" Tenchi was dashing over the uneven field before he propelled himself into the air with an impossible leap.

Ryoko teleported and caught her infant mother. "Gotcha!" she cried in triumph, right before Tenchi tackled her.

Ryoko found herself lying on her back nose to nose with the boy of her dreams. His arms were around her and his lips were pressed against hers. And his eyes were bulging in shock.

"Ryoko!" Tenchi blushed . "I'm sorry! I was trying to catch little Washu! I didn't mean to…"

Ryoko was blushing too. Tenchi had his arms around her! He was talking too but Ryoko couldn't get her brain to work right. She felt something tiny kicking at her stomach. "What!" her golden hawk like eyes bulged out. "No way! I can't have gotten pregnant so quickly!"

"Puh-puh, pregnant?" Tenchi yowled as he jumped off her to reveal a blue faced Washu lying on Ryoko's belly. "Oh! Poor Washu! Are you okay?"

The carrot topped baby gasped for breath and her color returned to normal before the little cherub fainted.

"Oh," Ryoko gasped as she sat up and examined her infant mother. "Well, I thought that was a little quick."

"Oh poor Washu," Tenchi repeated. "I hope she'll be okay."

"Let me take a look at her," Noike offered as she held out her hands for the unconscious infant.

"Don't you touch her!" Ryoko growled as she pulled baby Washu out of her reach. "Washu's my mother and I'll take care of her, got it?"

"I've got medical training," the emerald haired enchantress explained. "I'm familiar with the medical bay in Washu's lab. I assure you I'm fully qualified…"

"Don't you touch her!" Ryoko snarled "I don't care _what_ you're qualified for! Washu's _my_ mother and _I'm_ going to be the one taking care of her! Just stay away from my baby!" Ryoko and Washu vanished to reappear in the air above them gliding back to the house.

"What was that all about?" Noike asked.

"I don't know," Tenchi muttered, "but I have this sinking feeling."

* * *

><p>After lunch the telephone rang. Sasami was washing the dishes while Mihoshi was cleaning off baby chair they used to give her meals. Sasami looked helplessly at her soapy sudsy hands as Mihoshi ignored the telephone. Ayeka dashed into the kitchen as quickly as her girly run would allow. "Hello?" she asked breathlessly into the phone.<p>

From an athletic perspective, Ayeka's method of locomotion wasn't particularly efficient for the purposes of speed. Her upper arms were pressed against her sides and her lower arms did not swing freely. When she ran the purple haired princess held her hands high in a delicate, open position, rather than in fists or the stiffly pointed position favored by proper athletes. Often she would flex her wrists. In addition, when she ran her thighs were held together while her calves windmilled out slightly, giving her a knock-kneed look. She would lift her feet are straight up as though she were marching. Additionally, she carried her back straight up from the hips to the shoulders, rather than bent forward into the run. As a matter of fact, she even leaned back slightly as she skidded to a stop as she picked up the phone.

This was why it was impossible for the princess to outrun a woman who could fly, walk through walls and teleport. "What is the matter with you guys?" Ryoko whispered dangarously as she appeared in the kitchen. "How many times do I gotta go over it with you? When that baby is asleep that phone is not to ring more than _once_!" She held her forefinger up for emphasis.

"Right, the one-ring rule," Ayeka's eyes narrowed in frustration as she whispered back.

"Couldn't you hear the phone?" Ryoko whispered to Mihoshi.

"Sorry," Mihoshi whispered back. "I have to be so alert when I'm on duty so when I'm at home I just turn my brain off sometimes."

"That explains a lot," Ayeka murmured before speaking into the phone. "Hello, Masaki residence," she said as loud as she dared. "Who may I ask is calling?

"Hey, did you guys throw applesauce all over the floor?" Ryoko hissed as she pointed down.

"No it was the baby!" Mihoshi squeaked loudly.

"Shaddap!" Ryoko slapped her before looking down at the floor again. "Aw she made a cute little design," the former space pirate cooed quietly.

"No we don't want a magazine subscription!" Ayeka growled into the telephone.

"Sh!" Ryoko hissed at the wincing princess.

Tenchi chose that time to enter. "Was that the telephone?"

"Sh!" Ryoko bent her knees and spread her arms as she cocked her head to one side. "It's Washu!" she staged whispered. "I think I hear her turning over!" With that, she tippy-toed out of the kitchen by phasing through the wall.

"This is ridiculous!" Ayeka hissed. "Since Washu turned herself into an infant, that woman has completely taken over!"

"It doesn't just have to be her!" Mihoshi chirped. "We can help out too!"

"Sh!" Tenchi hissed as he drew his finger across his throat. "You don't want her to hear you!" he said in a loud whisper.

"Ryoko or the baby?" Sasami whispered as she dried her hands.

"Pick one," he muttered.

"Well this has gone on long enough!" Ayeka murmured through clenched teeth. "Taking care of Washu is all of our responsibility and it's not all on Ryoko's shoulders! It's time to confront that woman and let her know that we're not going to take it!" She held out her hand with her palm down. "Who's with me?"

"I am!" Sasami clasped the back of her sister's hand.

"Me too!" Tenchi clasped the back of Sasami's tiny hand.

"I also!" Mihoshi frowned as she grasped the back of Tenchi's hand.

Tenchi grasped the back of Mihoshi's hand with his other hand and shook all their assembled hands for emphasis before they all released each other. They lined up single file like soldiers on the march. "All right!" Tenchi whispered. "All for one and one for all!" They started marching to the door.

When the phone rang they cried out in terror and dashed back to answer it.

Ryoko marched back into the kitchen to glower at them.

"One ring," Tenchi assured her as Sasami answered the phone.

_Next: Ryoko Hakubi Single Mother_


	7. Ryoko Hakubi Single Mother

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Seven: __Ryoko Hakubi Single Mother_

In the morning while Ryoko slept in, it was up to Ayeka and Mihoshi to take care of the baby. They were in the kitchen feeding little Washu while she was strapped into her baby seat.

"Here you go little Washu," Mihoshi said as she put a spoonful of baby food into the baby's mouth.

Washu leaned forward and spit her food into Ayeka's face. Both Ayeka and Mihoshi were kneeling in front of Washu's baby chair with spoons in their hands and baby food on their faces.

"Well she hated that," Ayeka grumbled. "When is Noike coming back with those diapers anyway?"

Mihoshi pointed at little Washu in awe. "Oh look! There's some coming out of her nose again!"

"It's like she's got wetness coming out of every hole in her body!" Ayeka shuddered. "I can't believe this is Washu."

Mihoshi ducked as little Washu spit some baby food over the blonde's head. "Dumb wet baby," the Galaxy Police officer grumbled.

Ayeka put a spoonful of baby food into little Washu's mouth and the two girls flinched and drew back as if they were trying to defuse a bomb.

"Hey," Ayeka breathed a sigh of relief. "She likes it!"

"Thank goodness!" Mihoshi chirped. "You want to eat up and get big and strong little Wash—ooh!" She ducked as Washu shot a gob of baby food out that hit Ayeka right on the forehead.

"Maybe not," Ayeka grumbled as she wiped some baby food out of her eye.

In the meantime Mihoshi was shoveling baby food into her mouth. Before Ayeka could react, the dizzy blonde spit a shower of the stuff on the carrot topped infant. The blonde followed up by making a 'come and get me' gesture with her hands while she sneered at Washu. "Suddenly it's not so funny when _I_ do it is it?"

"Mihoshi!" Ayeka swatted the back of the blonde Galaxy Police officer's head. "Are you out of your mind? She's just a baby!"

"Oh, I'm sorry." A contrite tear escaped the Mihoshi's blue eyes.

"You brainless booby!" Ayeka hissed as she started cleaning the food out of little Washu's hair. "Ryoko will kill you if she finds out! This baby thing has completely consumed her!"

Mihoshi gulped as her eyes darted left and right. Was it _if_ Ryoko finds out or _when_ Ryoko finds out?

"Good morning!" Ryoko cheered as she teleported into the room. "And how's my little lady?"

"She's good!" Mihoshi squeaked. "It's not like any careless person spit food at her or anything!"

"Did Ryoko's widdle mommy get her food all over her face?" Ryoko teased her infant mother.

"Yes she did!" Mihoshi gulped. "She did all of this herself! Somehow she managed to spit baby food at such an angle that it bounced right back and hit her in the face! I would have never believed it!"

"You are just so talented!" Ryoko cooed at baby Washu. "Ryoko's widdle girl is just so talented! I wasn't able to do that until I'd been here for a few months!"

"It's no use, Mihoshi," Ayeka said as she picked the food out of Washu's hair. "She can't hear you. She can only hear the baby."

"Really?" Mihoshi's face brightened. "That is _such_ a relief! I don't like lying! Hey Ryoko, your mommy kept spitting food on us so finally I got tired of it and spit some back at her! Pretty juvenile, huh?"

"Mihoshi, sometimes you're just too stupid to be alive," Ayeka shook her head.

"Is mommy finished with her tray yet?" Ryoko asked her infant mother. "Good, 'cause I need to use it!" she growled as she reached out and seized Mihoshi by the throat. Mihoshi squeaked as Ryoko pulled her to Washu's baby tray and stuck the blonde's face in the layer of baby food that had accumulated during Ayeka's attempts to feed her. Baby Washu laughed as Ryoko smeared the struggling Mihoshi's face with the stuff by using the blonde's head as a dustmop. "There!" Ryoko snarled when she finally released her. "That'll teach you to pick on a helpless baby!"

"Happy Mihoshi?" Ayeka's eyes were narrow slits.

"Like ripping off a Band-Aid," the blonde assured her.

"Aww… poor little Washu doesn't have any toys," Ryoko cooed. "She looks bored."

"What? We never bought Ryo-ohki toys," Mihoshi said.

"We never bought Sasami any toys either," Ayeka added guiltily.

"Washu's little brain needs something creative to stimulate her. We need to get her some toys," Ryoko decided. She looked around. "Where's Ryo-ohki?"

"What do you need Ryo-ohki for?" Ayeka asked.

"To go to town of course," Ryoko shrugged. "We can't buy any toys out here."

"You can't fly a spaceship into the middle of an urban setting!" Ayeka screeched.

"Why not?" Ryoko blinked. "_You_ did."

The first princess of Jurai cleared her throat nervously. "I… I was young and foolish when I first came to Earth!" she insisted. "Believe me; I've done a lot of growing up since then!"

"She's right," Mihoshi added. "This is a protected planet. According to Galaxy Police code number 333-24, you can only land your spaceship out in the country, and only in front of some poor hick that nobody will believe!"

"What a nuisance," Ryoko blew upwards in frustration. "Mihoshi, you'll have to drive me to the toystore."

"What?" the blonde blinked in confusion. "But the only earth vehicle belongs to Noike! I can't drive Noike's truck!"

"Sure you can," Ryoko said. "Noike got that truck for all of us. It's no big deal."

"Yes it is!" Mihoshi insisted. "She told me that if they caught me anywhere near that truck without supervision that she'll put me in a holding cell and forget to feed me!"

"No problem," Ryoko shrugged. "I'll supervise."

"Well alright," Mihoshi agreed uncertainly, "but I still think we should ask her if we can use her truck first."

"Hi there," Tenchi smiled as he came into the kitchen. "Hello girls," he greeted before he walked over and knelt before Washu's baby chair, "and how's our little lady?"

"Did you hear that?" Ryoko smiled proudly. "He said _our _little lady!"

"He didn't mean just yours and his," Ayeka murmured out of the side of her mouth. "He meant all of us."

"Whatever," Ryoko smirked. "Denial ain't just a river on this planet."

"Wow, you sure made a mess little Washu," Tenchi smiled. "Are you done eating yet? Next time you need to get some in your mouth."

Baby Washu smiled and laughed at the attention.

"Isn't she just a little angel?" Ryoko squealed.

"Yeah," Ayeka muttered without a trace of enthusiasm, "an angel."

What the girls didn't notice was the look of concern on Tenchi's face as he gazed into baby Washu's eyes. When he turned he had on a brave face. "You girls sure have taken good care of her. We've sure come a long way from when we were taking care of baby Taro."

"We didn't do so bad with little Taro," Mihoshi smiled. "Once Washu helped us… oh." Her smile vanished as she put a hand over her mouth.

"Well once again it's time for the Hakubi women to step up," Ryoko said as she picked up little Washu. "Since Washu can't take care of herself it's time for the newer model to carry the load."

"I'm proud of you Ryoko," Tenchi said, "but it must really wear you out."

"Oh it does," Ryoko admitted. "Honestly, I don't know how I'd do it without the power I get from my little gem here. How do the women on this planet do it? There's gotta be some trick we're not aware of."

"But you seem so happy," a confused Tenchi smiled.

"Oh I am!" Ryoko nodded. "You know, ever since you freed me from that cave I didn't know what to do with myself. I mean, if I wasn't Kagato's mindless engine of destruction what was I? But now I feel like a real woman, you know what I mean? Finally I feel like all of my mind and body is doing what Washu designed me for, you know what I'm saying? For the first time in my life I feel like a real woman!"

"You've always looked like a real woman to me, Ryoko!" Tenchi chuckled guiltily as he remembered the first incident at the hot springs. "There's never been any doubt about that!"

"Why Tenchi are you blushing?" Ryoko chuckled. "Oh that's right! You're thinking about all the times you saw me naked!"

"I sure am!" a beet faced Tenchi admitted. Tenchi, Ryoko, and baby Washu erupted into obnoxious laughter.

"This is the end of the world!" Ayeka shuddered as she held her ears as if afraid they would fly away. "First Noike, then Ryoko! I don't have a prayer!"

"What do you mean?" a concerned Mihoshi asked her. "Usually you're upset when Ryoko misbehaves, but now you're upset when she's taking responsibility. I think you just like to complain. You know, you remind me of some of my ex-partners. They liked to complain too…"

"Will you SHUT UP?" Ayeka snarled at the blonde. "Shut your empty blonde head before I shut it for you!"

"Yeah," an unfazed Mihoshi nodded. "They liked to say things like that too."

"Okay, it's ready!" a proud Noike entered the kitchen carrying what appeared to be a tiny motorcycle helmet. "I finally finished it!"

"What is?" Mihoshi asked. "Fresh diapers?"

"No, it's a helmet to isolate little Washu's brain from Ryoko's nasty thoughts," Noike smiled. "Remember? The other day we were worried about little Washu getting warped by Ryoko's bad memories. We don't want the greatest genius in the universe getting being saddled with Ryoko's baggage."

Amazingly, Ryoko wasn't insulted by that remark. "Yeah, maybe this way she'll grow up to be a scientist instead of a mad scientist. Go ahead Noike, give it a try."

They took little Washu into the living room where they found Sasami and the baby cat/rabbit hybrid Ryo-ohki taking a nap on the couch.

"Poor Sasami," a guilty Ayeka sighed. "Now that the rest of us are pitching in to take care of Washu she's had to do more work around here, and that's in addition to looking after little Ryo-ohki!"

"You take care of your sister," Ryoko told her as she set little Washu down on the floor. "I've got this handled."

"So you say," grumbled a skeptical Ayeka.

"Okay, let's try it out," Noike said as she knelt and placed the helmet on baby Washu's little head. The helmet was white and visorless. When it was placed on Washu's head it looked like a giant golf ball.

Baby Washu blinked in surprise and glanced around in fear. She looked at the faces of Tenchi and the girls before she started crying. She looked at Ryoko and gestured frantically in her direction before crawling in the direction of her delinquent daughter.

"Wake up Ryo-ohki, the baby's crying," a sleepy Sasami yawned.

"Meow?" Ryo-ohki glanced around as Sasami sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Ryoko frowned. "Your stupid helmet isn't broadcasting some loud music is it?"

"No I don't understand it," said a concerned Noike. "The only thing being broadcast into Washu's head should be complete silence. The helmet isn't broadcasting anything, not even white noise!"

"Well it looks like she really wants her mother," Mihoshi murmured in concern before she corrected herself. "Oops! I mean: her daughter."

"Wow look at her!" Tenchi exclaimed. "Maybe you better take that helmet off! It's really bothering her and little Washu really wants Ryoko! She looks frantic!"

Ryoko picked up her infant mother and rocked her before taking the tiny helmet off. "You better keep working on this." She handed the helmet back to Noike. "Your stupid helmet doesn't work."

"Or does it work too well?" Ayeka asked.

"What?" Tenchi looked at the teenage princess. "Work too well? What do you mean?"

"If Washu can read Ryoko's thoughts then it must be reassuring to her now that she's a baby," Ayeka continued. "Think about it. In Washu's mind, she's never alone. Even when they're in different rooms, Ryoko's always with her. Now with that helmet on her head, just imagine it. Washu is cut off from her only flesh and blood. For the first time since she became a baby she's alone!"

"What?" Ryoko frowned. "Does that mean I don't get any privacy at all?"

"I don't see what the big deal is," Noike smiled cruelly. "You never did before."

"Yeah but now that my mother's a baby I thought it'd be different!"

"Well, babies need a lot of attention," said a fully awake Sasami. "I have to keep little Ryo-ohki with me all the time."

"Meow," the cabbit perched on her head agreed.

"Yeah but for Washu to need me all the time even when I'm not in the room?" Ryoko examined the baby that was clinging to her for dear life. "For crying out loud! Now that I got a baby I don't get any time to myself at all? I must be the only mother in the world who's got it this bad!"

"It's not so bad," Mihoshi offered. "This way she can feel you're with her even when you're not in the room. I'll bet you've actually got it better than most moms on this planet."

"But I'm not happy all the time," Ryoko insisted. "Come on! I'm Ryoko the space pirate! There's a lot of twisted stuff floating around in my head! We can't let any of that get to little Washu!"

"You're not Ryoko the space pirate anymore," Noike smiled evilly. "Now you're Ryoko the single mother."

"But what if I get upset? Or think something mean?" Ryoko continued. "For crying out loud, how can I have a sex life if my infant mother has access to my thoughts all the time?"

"You never really had a sex life _before_," Noike told her.

"Well what if I want to change that?" Ryoko growled. "Now that I'm a mother I feel sexy instead of ashamed! How am I supposed to get anywhere if I got my _mom_ in my head who's too young to get into a rated 'G' movie?"

"Could we change the subject please?" Ayeka frowned while holding her hands over her sister's ears. Ryo-ohki was in Sasami's hand while the child's other hand was cupped over the baby cabbit's rabbit ears.

"Oh well," Ryoko held her infant mother so that the two were nose to nose. "You're just lucky that I don't like being left alone either you little rug rat! I ought'a put that helmet back on you just to get you back for leaving me chained up in your lab in the dark you little stinker! You're just lucky my mother raised me better… No wait! No you didn't! You didn't raise me at all you lousy…"

Little Washu started crying again.

"Oh, that's right; I can't get mad at her anymore!" Ryoko said as she held her infant mother tight. "Her little mind reads my anger as hatred. Sorry mom! Sorry! I love you! Honest! Man what a revolting development this is!"

_Next: Worth a Shot_


	8. Worth a Shot

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Eight: __Worth a Shot_

"Rock-a-bye bay…be in the treetop," Ryoko sang as she hugged her infant mother.

"Waaah!" baby Washu howled.

"When the wind blows the cradle will rock…" Ryoko continued valiantly.

"Waaah!" baby Washu sobbed.

"When the bough breaks the cradle will fall," Ryoko sang.

"Aaaah!" baby Washu screamed.

"And down will come bay… be, cradle and all," Ryoko finished.

"Wah-hanh-hah!" Washu sniveled.

"Man! What a twisted song!" Ryoko muttered. "This is a weird planet. No wonder Earth kids get nightmares! Who can go to sleep with that going through their head? Hey, wait a minute! Washu, you're not crying!"

Baby Washu cooed and burbled.

Ryoko frowned in suspicion before tentatively beginning to sing. "Did… you… know that I am a Pi-on-eer?"

Washu started crying, but stopped when Ryoko stopped singing.

"I'm… out on a secret mission," Ryoko continued as Washu started howling again. "I… travel the galaxy and far… beyond…" Ryoko sang faster and louder as Washu cried shrilly.

"You little turd!" Ryoko grunted in disgust. "You only cry when I'm singing don't you? You don't like my singing voice!" When Washu just burbled in contentment Ryoko looked up at the sky and sighed. "If only I could sing like Ai Orikasa… Now that woman can really belt out the tunes!"

"Is everything okay?" Sasami asked as she and Ryo-ohki walked into the living room from the kitchen.

"We heard the baby crying!" Ayeka said as she and Mihoshi came down the stairs.

"What's the matter Ryoko?" Tenchi said as he came down the hall.

"It's Washu," Ryoko grumbled. "She's taking too long to grow up and I can't take it anymore! I'm going to have to transfer some of the power from my gem. It made Kagato more powerful; it should accelerate her growth."

"Oh my! Are you sure that's safe Ryoko?" Mihoshi asked. "I mean, she's just a baby! How do you know that her little body can take that kind of power?"

"Yeah, you can't just zap her with energy, you might kill her!" Tenchi agreed.

"Not to worry gang," Ryoko snorted as she set baby Washu down on the couch. "Fortunately this body comes with an energy transfer device installed. From what I understand, women all over the planet transfer energy and nutrition to their babies this way."

"What do you mean?" Ayeka asked before her crimson eyes bulged out and her voice became a loud screech. "OMIGOSH! ARE YOU TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF?"

"Yeah," Ryoko said as she pulled her kimono up over her head and threw it on the couch next to Washu. "I'm just getting my love pillows out so I can feed Washu."

"Oh, you're breastfeeding!" Mihoshi smiled. "I get it!" The blonde's face then frowned in concern. "But you really need to find a more discreet way to feed her Ryoko. I mean, what if we had company?"

A thud came from Tenchi's side of the room.

"Tenchi!" Sasami cried as she and Ryo-ohki dashed over to him. The boy was lying prone on the floor staring up at the ceiling with a strange look on his face.

"Boy what a baby," Ryoko snorted as she sat on the couch and held little Washu in her arms. "You'd think he never saw me naked before."

"You know, with that baby in your arms I think you could make that look work for you Ryoko," Mihoshi nodded thoughtfully. "Running around naked might be kind of rude, but when you sit on the couch nursing a baby you look like a classical sculpture. I really think you can make it work."

"No matter what you gotta accessorize," Ryoko nodded triumphantly.

"Are you alright Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked as she and Sasami helped him into a chair. At the moment Ayeka was seizing any excuse not to look directly at Ryoko.

"Uh, yeah Lady Ayeka, I'm all right," a blushing Tenchi assured her. "I don't know what's the matter with me. After all the times I've seen Ryoko naked you'd think I'd be used to it." He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. "I guess I just wasn't ready. What's she doing anyway?"

"I think she's trying to breastfeed baby Washu," Ayeka hissed in disgust.

"Breastfeed Washu?" Tenchi gasped as he looked past the two princesses to see a nude Ryoko pressing a red haired baby up to her bosom. He grimaced. "But, that's… her mother! Ryoko is breastfeeding her mother! She's putting her nipple in _Washu's_ mouth!"

"Ew," Ayeka shuddered. "Thanks for that image. Now I've got a picture of a twelve year old Washu shoving a naked Ryoko's boob into her mouth!"

Tenchi's eyes rolled back in his head as blood burst from his nostrils.

"Oh no!" Sasami cried. "Tenchi's nose is bleeding!"

"What's _his_ problem?" Ryoko grunted. "You'd think that he never saw a mother and her child breastfeeding before."

"I know," Mihoshi nodded. "It's the most natural thing in the world."

"Something's wrong," Ryoko muttered. "This isn't working."

"What's the matter?" Mihoshi asked.

"I don't know," Ryoko frowned. "Washu is nursing, but no milk's coming out. I don't get it. A gal in Nobuyuki's porn collection could squirt _her_ milk out over four feet. Aren't I normal enough to get my milk jugs working?"

"Uh, Ryoko," Mihoshi put her hand under her chin thoughtfully. "Now that I think about it, don't you have to have a baby first?"

"I _have_ a baby," Ryoko retorted. "It's milk I don't got. Hey! Be careful Washu! No biting!"

"No I mean, doesn't a girl have to get pregnant and have a baby before her breasts start producing?" Mihoshi continued. "I'm sure I read it somewhere."

"So I gotta have a baby to feed a baby?" Ryoko paled. "Well, if that's what it takes. Tenchi! Get over here!"

"Are you crazy?" Ayeka gasped.

"You're right," Ryoko muttered. "Then there'd be _two_ babies to take care of. What was I thinking? I guess we'll just have to give me hormones or something."

"And how do we do _that_ pray tell?" Ayeka asked skeptically.

"That's easy," said Ryoko. "We'll just get Washu to create a… uh-oh." She stopped and bit her knuckle. "That's right. Washu's a baby. I guess that's idea's out. I don't trust Noike to go through Washu's notes on my biology. Heck, I don't like Washu knowing, let alone anybody else."

"It's probably for the best," Ayeka nodded sagely. "You shouldn't mess around with your body anyway. Let's just be glad it's impossible."

"No it isn't!" Sasami announced. "Ayeka, you told me that Washu created a computer simulation of herself to help us with the science stuff in case anything happened to her. Why don't we use that?"

"Oh wow, that's right!" Mihoshi snapped her fingers. "It's true! There's a virtual reality Washu that has Washu's scientific knowhow! I completely forgot!"

"A computerized Washu?" Ryoko rose to her feet while clutching her infant mother. "This I gotta see! Let's go!"

"Now wait a minute!" Tenchi rose to his feet. "Let's not do anything rash!" He stopped, and stared at the naked Ryoko holding the baby Washu. "Oh!" he blushed and clutched at his nose. "Ryoko!" he protested while looking away. "Could you get dressed? I can't very well lay down the law while you're naked!"

"Sure Tenchi!" Ryoko giggled before handing Washu over to Mihoshi. "It's nice to know that even with all the other girls here I can still get you hot and bothered."

"Er uh, yeah," Tenchi blushed and snuck a peek as Ryoko put her kimono back on. "Don't worry about it. You're still special," he said awkwardly.

Soon they were in Washu's lab staring at the image of a twelve year old Washu on the big screen. "So let me get this straight," Virtual Washu said as behind her glowing neon lines passed before a black background. "You want to breastfeed your own mother."

"It's the safest way to transfer the energy from my gem back into her tiny body," Ryoko said. "I don't think her six-month old body can take a more direct transfer."

"So you want me to give you a hormone that will make you start… lactating?" the computer asked dubiously. "No offense, but one of my functions is to _protect_ you guys from your own stupidity, not enable you."

"Give her a chance," Noike giggled. "I want to see how this plays out."

Ayeka and Tenchi had alarmed faces as they both shook their heads.

"Eh… I guess you're right," the image of Washu shrugged. "It's not like the effects are going to be permanent or anything. Just don't overdo it, okay?" A pylon rose from the floor. Inside the gap in the middle of the pylon were two syringes. "Okay, take one injection every twelve hours and we'll see how it goes," the computerized Washu instructed.

"Got it," Ryoko said as she handed Mihoshi little Washu and plucked one of the syringes out of the pylon.

"Oh wow!" Mihoshi's eyes bulged in horror. "That's a big needle! Are you sure you want to do this Ryoko?"

"Sure I'm sure," she frowned. "My time with Kagato has taught me more about pain than the rest of you will ever know. I can take a little shot. Besides, didn't you have to have your shots before joining the Galaxy Police, Mihoshi?"

"I had my body enhancement procedure so I wouldn't _have_ to have any shots Ryoko!" the blonde protested. "The nano-machines in my body protect me from all disease so I don't need any inoculations!"

"My body's defenses make mincemeat out of any germ or virus," Ryoko nodded as she looked at the needle. "I can't remember getting a shot either."

She rolled up her sleeve and pointed the shot at her arm. Her golden eyes bulged in fear as her lower lip trembled. Steeling herself, the space pirate grit her teeth and tried again.

"Having second thoughts Ryoko?" Tenchi smiled as he walked up to the former space pirate and reached for the syringe.

"Hey!" Ryoko protested as she turned away from him. "Not so fast! I can do it."

"I'm just saying that it's okay if you've changed your mind," Tenchi said. "It's a terrible idea and we all understand if you don't want to take chances."

"I haven't changed my mind," Ryoko insisted. "It just hard to do it with everybody watching that's all."

"No, it's because deep down inside you know that it's a bad idea." Tenchi's tone was gentle but firm.

"No, it's because she's a big baby who's afraid of needles," Noike said dryly.

"I'm not a baby!" Ryoko protested.

"That's right," chimed in Sasami, who had been reluctant to say anything. "Washu is!" The blue haired child pointed at the baby in Mihoshi's arms for emphasis.

"She's got a point," Mihoshi nodded.

"Meow," Ryo-ohki agreed while standing quietly next to Sasami in toddler form.

"No-no," Noike shook her head. "What's that expression that really popular on this planet? It's named after one of their eating birds. I can't remember. Is it chicken or turkey?"

"It's chicken," Virtual Washu confirmed from her enormous television screen. "Also known as a coward, yellow-belly, scaredy-cat, pussy, wuss, wimp, and spineless jellyfish."

"What are you doing daring her like that?" Tenchi whined at the screen. "I thought you were supposed to discourage us from using Washu's science foolishly!"

"Noike asked a question," the image of Washu on the screen shrugged. "I'm also programmed to provide information."

"Look this is Ryoko here," Noike shrugged. "If she doesn't do this with supervision she's just going to do it when we're not looking. Then it'll be ten times worse. At least this way if something goes wrong it won't be as bad as it would be if she did this on her own."

"Uh, yeah," Tenchi frowned while trying to find a hole in her logic. "Somehow I can't help wondering if the Americans said the same thing while they were creating the atom bomb."

"Hey! This thing is safe! Otherwise Virtual Washu wouldn't give it to me!" Ryoko insisted. She looked uncertainly at the huge image of her mother on the viewscreen. "Isn't it?" she asked timidly.

"It won't kill you if that's what you mean," Virtual Washu assured her, "but these are hormone injections created for your unique body chemistry. We don't know the exact way they'll affect your behavior."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Ryoko frowned.

"Am I going to have to leave the room again Ayeka?" Sasami asked while holding Ryo-ohki's hand and tugging on her sister's sleeve.

"If I had a brain in my empty head I'd say yes," Ayeka grumbled.

"Relax," Virtual Washu assured her. "I just meant that I'm unable to predict with a hundred percent certainty like I'm used to. It just means that I'm going to be as accurate as a doctor on this planet treating an earthling. It's still within acceptable safety limits."

"So what sort of side effects should we expect?" Tenchi asked the computer.

"Yeah, you said something about behavioral changes?" Noike added. "Although in Ryoko's case, I don't see a down side."

"Maybe she'll act nice, like she did when Zero replaced her," Ayeka smiled evilly.

"Hey!" Ryoko protested. "That's not funny!"

"What kind of changes can we expect little Washu?" Tenchi asked the image on the screen before glancing at the redheaded infant in Mihoshi's arms. "Uh… _computerized_ little Washu," he added.

"Well the hormonal changes necessary to cause Ryoko to start lactating could cause alterations in her body as if she was pregnant," the image of Washu replied breezily. "Her breast size will increase and there will be darkening abound the nipples and areolas. Her appetite might change and she might become more energized…"

"Her breasts will get _larger_?" Ayeka repeated in horror.

"Did you say a _hyperactive_ Ryoko?" Mihoshi asked. "Oh my!"

"It's highly likely," Washu's image nodded. "Increases in blood sugar, breathing and cardiac output are expected. Expect her breast size to change very quickly, and whiled they're gorged they'll probably be achy, lumpy, and heavy. You're going to need a bra several sizes bigger than the one you've got now Ryoko. After a brief period of nausea, expect your appetite to increase dramatically."

"Well Sca-RUE that!" Ryoko gulped. "I've changed my mind. Mihoshi, here's the shot. Give me back my baby." she said as she walked over to the blonde and put the needle in her hand. "OW!" Ryoko yelped as she pulled the crying baby out of Mihoshi's hands. "You stuck me Mihoshi!"

"I'm sorry Ryoko! Uh-oh!" the horrified blonde gasped as she examined the syringe in her hand. "Uh… I don't mean to scare anyone, but I think the shot is empty!"

"What?" Tenchi gasped. "Oh no!"

_Next: _Animal Attraction__


	9. Animal Attraction

**Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4 **

**Episode 22: Baby Blues**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo__, __Tenchi GXP__, __Tenchi Universe_, _Tenchi in Tokyo__ and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Nine: _Animal Attraction__

"Quick somebody, take the baby," Ryoko ordered. As Noike stepped forwards with her arms out, the former space pirate brushed past her. "Yeah right," the pirate grunted. "Ayeka, take the baby," she added as she thrust her infant mother into the teenage princess' hands. "We don't know how the hormones are going to affect me so until I get used to them I want you to keep an eye on her. As for me, I'm going into isolation until I can get ahold of myself!"

"Are you alright Ryoko?" Sasami asked timidly.

"No I'm not alright!" Ryoko snapped. "My breasts are swollen and my butt sags and my hair is ugly and I look old and everybody says I've had a hard life 'cause I look old enough to be Tenchi's mother and everybody hates me 'cause I'm an evil space pirate! And now I'm out of my mind and can't even touch my baby!" She collapsed to the floor crying bitterly as Washu howled in Ayeka's arms. "I'm an unfit mother and everybody hates me…" the pirate sniveled.

For a moment, everyone was frozen in place until Tenchi took charge and doled out the responsibilities. "Okay everyone, let's go into action!" he said as clapped his hands to get the girl's attention. "Ayeka! Sasami! Take care of Washu! Mihoshi! You're with me! We'll take care of Ryoko!"

"Right," Sasami nodded as she followed Ayeka, the baby, and Ryo-ohki out the door of Washu's lab and back into the Masaki house.

"What about me?" Noike asked.

"Noike, see if you can use Washu's science to find a way to counteract the hormonal changes affecting Ryoko," Tenchi said. "I know that Computer-Washu said the effects were temporary but I don't want to go through this any longer than we have to." He turned to Mihoshi. "Come on; let's get Ryoko up on her feet."

"Right," the bronze skinned blonde nodded.

"Don't touch me!" Ryoko snarled as she pulled herself away from Mihoshi. "You did this to me! This is your fault! Now my boobs will sag more than ever! I might be a dairy factory but Tenchi will never touch me 'cause I'm old and ugly and don't deserve it! I hate you! I hate all of you! And I hate _me_ more…" She covered her face with her hands and sunk back down to her knees.

"Come on, Ryoko, you don't mean it," Tenchi said as he pulled the blubbering space pirate to her feet. "And to be honest, you don't look any different. The hormones are making you overreact."

"Oh Tenchi…" Ryoko whined. "Don't look at me! I'm fat and ugly…"

"No you're not," Tenchi said. "I'll touch you. Look, I'm touching you right now. It's going to be alright. The effects are temporary. You'll see."

Meanwhile in the living room of the Masaki house Ryo-ohki and the two Jurian princesses were trying to help baby Washu.

"Please, stop crying!" a flustered Ayeka begged the red-faced infant bawling on the 'L' shaped couch. "Try to calm down, please!"

"Meow," Ryo-ohki in furry toddler form added as she stroked Washu's head like a kitten and made purring sounds.

"Sasami, is the milk heated up?" Ayeka called.

"Yes!" the little princess yelped as she dashed into the room holding a baby bottle. "Here it is!"

"Quick Sasami! Give it to me!" Ayeka gestured frantically as Sasami raced over to her. "Thank you!" she said as she plucked the baby bottle from her sister's hands. "There you go," she cooed sweetly as she squeezed bottle to make sure the nipple was working and put the rubber nipple in Washu's mouth. "There-there. Everything's going to be alright. You like your bottle don't you? Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy your bottle and relax. There's a good girl…"

Washu whined a little before nursing on the bottle.

"It's working," Sasami said softly. "She's calming down and she looks like she's about to pass out."

"Phew," Ayeka gasped. "Thank goodness that worked. I don't know what we would have done otherwise!"

Back in the lab, Tenchi had laid Ryoko down on a long couch and was perched on the edge, trying to talk some sense into her.

"Please, stop crying!" a flustered Tenchi begged the red-faced woman bawling on the couch. "Try to calm down, please!"

"Yeow," Noike grunted as she put her hands over her ears to protect herself from the caterwauling coming from the space pirate.

"Mihoshi, is the sake heated up?" Tenchi called.

"Yes!" the blonde yelped as she dashed into the room holding a sake bottle. "Here it is!"

"Quick Mihoshi! Give it to me!" Tenchi gestured frantically as Mihoshi raced over to him. "Thank you," he grunted as he plucked the sake bottle from the space cop's hands. "There you go," he said gently as he uncorked the bottle and placed the mouth of the bottle in Ryoko's mouth. "There-there. Everything's going to be alright. You like your sake don't you? Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy your sake and relax. _There's_ a good girl…"

Ryoko whined a little before nursing on the bottle of sake.

"It's working," Mihoshi said softly. "She's calming down and she looks like she's about to pass out."

"Phew," Tenchi gasped. "Thank goodness that worked. I don't know what we would have done otherwise!"

When Ryoko woke up there was a terrible weight on her chest. "Oh no!" she gasped as her eyes snapped open. "My boobs must be the size of watermelons!" She looked down at her chest in horror and beheld…

…Ryo-ohki in toddler form napping on top of her, using her breasts as pillows.

"Get off me you little rugrat!" she snarled as she rose to her feet.

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki whined as she rolled off the pirate, off the futon and on to the floor.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Ryoko said as she sat up and hugged Ryo-ohki. "It's okay! Honest!"

"What's the matter with me?" the pirate muttered under her breath. "Why aren't I chucking this lost cause like a baseball? It's like I've got some compulsion to protect and nurture this little furball or something. Oh well, it must be almost time for dinner."

She looked around. She was in her room. Good. That meant she could change into a loose robe. She was feeling constricted and wanted freedom of movement. She tied her spiky hair into a ponytail to get it out of the way and changed clothes.

Mealtime was an interesting experience. Ryoko came downstairs to find Tenchi and the girls around the table as Sasami and Noike dished up.

"Well it's about time!" Ayeka scolded. "We were just about to send someone to go get you when… uh… What's the matter with you?"

Ryoko was leaning against the wall, sweating and panting like a dog. She squirmed and twisted as she gasped for breath. "I don't know! Suddenly, I feel so strange! What's happening to me?"

"Oh my goodness!" Ayeka exclaimed quietly as she put her hand over her mouth. "Here," she said as she walked over to the stricken space pirate. "You better sit down before—Waugh!"

Before anyone could react, the sweaty space pirate had embraced the first princess of Jurai and smashed her mouth against the royal lips.

As Ayeka fought to free herself the rest of the group stared in openmouthed shock. Sasami put her little hand over the toddler Ryo-ohki's eyes. Tenchi unconsciously put his hand over Sasami's eyes. Baby Washu squirmed and kicked in her baby chair as if she was off in her own little world.

"Wow," Mihoshi smiled. "Now that you aren't fighting anymore you two are _really_ getting along! I'm impressed!"

"Ah!" Ayeka gasped as she managed to free her face from Ryoko's hungry mouth. "I can't breathe! Get her off me!"

"Kiss me, please!" Ryoko whined. "Don't leave me alone. I can't stand it!"

As one, Mihoshi and Noike stepped forward and struggled to pry the pair apart.

"It's okay Ayeka," Noike grunted as she pulled the princess out of the pirate's arms. "I've got you!"

"Aaah!" Ayeka screamed as she was wrenched from Ryoko's iron grip. The sound of tearing cloth was heard.

"Now Ryoko you must control yourself!" Mihoshi scolded as she gripped the delirious pirate's shoulders.

"Ooh…" Ryoko's eyes drooped as she leaned back into Mihoshi, pinning the hapless blonde against the wall. She grunted and panted as she rubbed her back against the squirming space cop.

"Hey!" Mihoshi protested. "What are you doing? I can't move! Ryoko I'm having a hard time breathing back here!

"You animal!" Ayeka screeched. "Don't you ever brush your teeth? You could also take a bath once in a while!"

"Help me somebody please!" Ryoko groaned huskily as her eyes rolled back in her head. "I can't stand being like this. I'm going crazy! I feel so strange…"

"Ryoko, we've got to get you back to the lab," Tenchi said as he walked up and pulled on her hand.

"Tenchi!" Ryoko gasped as she tackled him.

The girls looked down in horror as Tenchi and Ryoko struggled on the floor.

"Wow," Mihoshi murmured over the sound of gasping and groaning. "So _that's_ how babies are made!"

"Get her off him!" Ayeka shrieked. "I don't care if they _are_ wearing clothes, at this rate they won't for much longer!"

"Whee!" Baby Washu squealed with glee in her baby chair.

Soon the women were pushing Ryoko into Washu's interdimensional lab.

"Don't touch me there!" Mihoshi squealed as the quartet of interstellar beauties burst into the large futuristic chamber.

"Hands off me!" Ayeka snarled as they pulled Ryoko over to an examination table.

"I'm not that kind of girl!" Noike snapped as they pushed her down on the table.

"Help me!" Ryoko gasped weakly as they activated the silvery restraints. "Help me please!" she moaned as she struggled against her bonds.

"Here," Noike said as she picked up a syringe and injected Ryoko's arm. "This should counteract the effects of the hormones temporarily. Computer!"

Washu's twelve year old image appeared on a huge view screen. "Yo."

"Ryoko is reacting poorly to the hormone treatment," the emerald haired enchantress announced. "We need treatment options."

"Poorly?" Ayeka snarled as she closed Ryoko's loose robe so the pirate wasn't flashing the laboratory. "More like obscenely!"

"Hm, well side effects were bound to be experienced," Washu's image shrugged. "I'll run some scans and see what's happening, although her biosystems are so complex it may take some time for an accurate analysis."

"Do what you've got to do," Noike shrugged.

The doors to the chamber opened and little Sasami dashed in with a particularly girly run. "I need some help out there!" the little princess chirped. "The baby's acting really strange and Tenchi's just lying on the floor with a funny look on his face!"

"I'm on it Sasami," Ayeka said as she took her sister's hand and led her out of the room.

"How are you feeling Ryoko?" Noike asked the shackled pirate. "Calming down now?"

"Yeah, I think I'm okay now," Ryoko blushed before relaxing. "I just don't know what happened to me out there. It's like I wasn't me anymore."

"Your body reacted to the presence of individuals who are biologically ready for sexual activity," the image of Washu announced from the giant screen on the wall. "With the hormone treatment you received your reproductive instincts went into overdrive."

"What?" Ryoko growled. "Mom! Damn you! You did this to me!"

"First, I'm not your mother," Washu's image corrected from the screen. "The little baby in the kitchen is. Secondly it was you who requested the hormone treatment…"

"You sick little monkey!" Ryoko struggled to get free. "When I get out of this I'm going to kill you!"

"You better go Mihoshi before she remembers it was you who gave her the shot," Noike muttered to the blonde.

"Ooh! Good idea," Mihoshi nodded before she tiptoed to the door.

Later Ryoko locked herself in her room. The sound of her crying was audible to the whole house.

"I can't stand this," Ayeka moaned as she entered the living room to find Tenchi and the rest of the girls. "I don't know how much longer this can go on."

"Somebody's got to talk to her," Tenchi said as he rose from the couch. "This can't be good for the baby and besides, what if Ryoko tries to hurt herself? I've notice that her fast healing power doesn't work when she's down on herself."

"If you go in there you're going to need a cattle prod," Noike said as the redhaired baby screamed in her arms. "Let's find out what Washu's computer has to say. It should have had enough to time to make sense of the readings it took from Ryoko by now."

The rest of the girls nodded and followed her through the door under the stairs. Tenchi stopped at the door and groaned as he listened Ryoko's anguished sobbing.

Once inside the lab Noike handed the baby to Mihoshi and addressed the computer. "Computer, have you completed your analysis?"

Washu's twelve year old image appeared on the screen. "Hi guys. Ryoko's system is pretty much going through what you'd expect."

"What do you mean by that?" Sasami asked as toddler Ryo-ohki nodded.

Meanwhile Tenchi knocked on the door to Ryoko's attic bedroom. "Ryoko? Are you decent?"

"Go away!" Ryoko sniveled. "I'm fat and I'm ugly and I don't want you to see me like this!"

"Come on, Ryoko," Tenchi gently lectured. "You've got to talk to someone! You can't go on like this. We're worried about you."

"Everybody hates me!" Ryoko whined. "Nobody loves me!"

"Don't talk like that," Tenchi scolded through the door. "_I_ love you. We all love you. Even Ayeka. You're part of our family…"

The door opened. "You love me?" gasped the space pirate. Tenchi was taken aback by her condition. Her wild cyan white hair was stringy and matted against her scalp. Her cheeks were tearstained and her eyes were red and puffy. Her normally attractive features were warped into a wan, sickly, grief-stricken parody of a woman's face. Her loose robe was almost open in front, nearly exposing her naked body to view. She was sweaty. She was smelly. She needed a breath mint. Her breasts, thighs, and other sexual attributes seemed swollen and exaggerated. She was hunched over like Quasimodo and staggering like a drunk. She was hideous.

And Tenchi couldn't remember that last time he wanted a woman this much.

"God! Yes!" He heard himself say before he put his arms around her and pressed his mouth against hers.

Meanwhile back in the lab Washu's image on the screen continued her diagnosis. "Ryoko will suffer some bloating, a darkening of the nipples and arolas, and other signs of her pseudo-pregnancy. Her body is also sending out pheromones and she might begin lactating…"

"Pheromones?" Mihoshi interrupted as she held the cooing baby. "Wait a minute; I've heard that word before. They use pheromones in perfumes don't they?"

"Technically, a pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species," the image of Washu on the screen lectured. "Pheromones are chemicals capable of acting outside the body of the secreting individual to impact the behavior of the receiving individual."

"Yes-yes I've heard of pheromones," Ayeka interrupted. "Just what kind of 'social response' are Ryoko's pheromones going to trigger anyway?"

"Based off the readings I took Ryoko should be sending out a powerful kind of sex pheromone," Washu's image replied. "Pheromones have evolved in all animal phyla, to signal sex and dominance status, and are responsible for stereotypical social and sexual behavior among members of the same species. In mammals, these chemical signals are believed to be detected primarily by the…"

"Holy Great Mother of Tsunami!" Ayeka cried, causing Sasami and Ryo-ohki to jump. "Ryoko's sending out Love Potion Number Nine! Where's Tenchi?"

"He came in with us," Noike said before she looked around. "I guess he didn't."

"Tenchi!" Ayeka squeaked. "Where's Tenchi? Oh no! He could be with Ryoko! Doing this! And doing that! It can't be!"

"Ayeka don't worry!" Mihoshi giggled. "Tenchi isn't doing anything_ like_ that. We know because little Washu here senses everything that Ryoko's feeling and right now she's howling and crying. Isn't she… huh?" The blonde looked down at the baby in her arms to find that baby Washu wasn't howling or crying at all. She was writhing in Mihoshi's arms cooing and giggling instead. The baby's little blue eyes rolled back in her head as she trembled and made joyous little squeaks.

Ayeka's face was a hideous grimace as every last ounce of color drained from her face. "Oh no! We've got to stop them!" she gasped as she ran out of the lab.

Sasami turned to follow when she felt Noike's hand on her shoulder. "Sasami, you and Ryo-ohki better stay downstairs here with little Washu. Mihoshi come with me. Bring your Galaxy Police blaster and set it on heavy stun."

In the meantime the first princess of Jurai dashed upstairs to the attic loft that was Ryoko's room. When she got there, she froze in the doorway as her face contorted in horror. Hoarse passionate gasps and moans assaulted her ears but that was nothing compared to obscenity that ambushed her eyes! "Oh no!" she screamed. "Tenchi! Ryoko! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

><p>Outside, a baby Washu plays with a rabbitkitten Ryo-ohki. Japanese names appear and vanish obscuring your vision of the delightful duo as a woman's singing voice is heard:

April roses, tiny sparrows,  
>Cornets bright and new<br>All belong together  
>With the myst'ry that is you<br>When I see your little face  
>I hear a song from long ago<br>I think you know  
>The many secrets I've forgotten<p>

Generations through the ages  
>Joined as one somehow<br>Leading to the miracle  
>That I am holding now<br>From the sky and from the sea  
>Upon a breeze you came to me<br>You seem to see  
>A greater universe than I do<p>

Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
>Dream of somewhere far away<br>Do you remember still  
>How I hope you always will<br>Keep the mem'ry of the day  
>The world was born<p>

When you wake up I'll be waiting  
>Eager for your smile<br>You've had quite a journey, Darling  
>You should rest a while<br>When you cry we still rejoice  
>To hear your voice - oh yes, it's true<br>My sweet Washu  
>Please understand how much we love you<p>

Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
>Later on perhaps you'll tell<br>The wondrous things you've seen  
>More miraculous than dreams<br>Tell me all about the day  
>The world was born<p>

(Instrumental)

Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
>Dream of somewhere far away<br>Do you remember still  
>How I hope you always will<br>Keep the mem'ry of the day  
>The world was born<p> 


End file.
